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Introverts vs Extrovert in Lockdown…and the winners are???

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

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Personality Stuff

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Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

If you like what you see, please hit the “follow” button, or for non-WordPress peeps, click here to leave your email address for updates

Support my page by subscribing to my YouTube Channel or donating a small amount each month via Patreon

Check out my clothing for Gorgeous People here

Please leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter,  Facebook or Instagram and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…“Be Gone Covid-19” – Anxiety Busting Tips

Abuse -the soft signs

You don’t own me… learn to spot the signs of Coercive and Controlling Behaviour

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

“Be Gone Covid-19” – Anxiety Busting Tips

Many of us are feeling anxious about what the future holds at the moment. I’ve made a quick video over on my YouTube Channel which gives some really easy to follow advice!

Also, check out my other videos which cover a wide range of mental health issues and offer free advice! Don’t forget to give it a like and hit that subscribe button!

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

If you like what you see, please hit the “follow” button, or for non-WordPress peeps, click here to leave your email address for updates

Check out my clothing for Gorgeous People here

Please leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

If the Mountain can’t come to Me…

In these trying times, we are overwhelmed with stories of hope and triumph against all the odds which I love.

We are also painfully aware that this is not the case for everyone and many people are struggling with real issues!

I’m trying to bring some helpful counselling hints and tips into your space in as many ways as possible.

Check out my Bitesized Help and also my YouTube Channel where I’m trying to address as many of the problems that we may be facing as I can.

Please support the Channel by Subscribing and sharing the links with anyone you feel would benefit.

Let’s share the love

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Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

If you like what you see, please hit the “follow” button, or for non-WordPress peeps, click here to leave your email address for updates

Check out my clothing for Gorgeous People here

Smile Tee

Please leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

How to Manage Conflict at home

Which Wolf do you Feed?

And…Breathe

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

 

 

 

 

Online Courses Now Available!

Yes!!!!

For less than the cost of a quality therapy session, I’ve designed two bespoke online courses just for you gorgeous people!

Head over to the Page to have a closer look!

bully

There’s an Anxiety Course and a Bullying Course!!

Both include up to 90 minutes of tuition and guided exercises from yours truly!

But that’s not all! you can download and keep the courses FOREVER!! and both have comprehensive notes for you to keep.

So, whether your intentions are personal or whether you’d like to amp up your professional development, look no further!

For  more information or for Block purchases please contact me

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

If you like what you see, please hit the “follow” button, or for non-WordPress peeps, click here to leave your email address for updates

Check out my clothing for Gorgeous People here

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Please leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

 

 

 

 

You don’t own me… learn to spot the signs of Coercive and Controlling Behaviour

Now that we are beginning to talk about finding a way back to normal after isolation, many of us will be looking forward to getting out and about, being able to see family and friends etc. and returning to school or work.

Stop and think for a moment though…there may be some people who have welcomed the time apart from a significant other or are dreading the thought of seeing them again.

Spare a thought for victims of Coercive and Controlling behaviour…

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Photo by Vera Arsic on Pexels.com

In 2012, the UK Government added guidelines to their Domestic Violence definitions to include…

“Victims of “honour” violence or killings, e.g. Female Genital Mutilation, forced marriage etc. although this is not confined to a particular gender or ethnic group

Coercive Behaviour – an act or pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation, intimidation or other abuse used to harm, punish or frighten the Victim.

Controlling Behaviour – a range of acts designed to make a person subordinate and/or dependent by isolating them from support, exploiting them for capital gain, depriving them of means needed for independence, resistance or escape and regulating their every day behaviour”

Unfortunately and perhaps shockingly in current times where we see young adults able to express themselves safely like never before, I see cases of Coercive and Controlling Behaviour within relationships all the time.

Also unfortunate and shocking is the fact that few young people, females in particular; even know what it is.

I see young people who’s partners are

  • circulating indecent images of them
  • shaming them on Social Media
  • controlling access to their friends and family
  • controlling their dress and image

To help young People understand what Coercive and Controlling Behaviour (a form of domestic violence) is, I’ve put together a case study below which is sadly a common story…

Emily is going out with Karl. They have been together 3 weeks. Emily’s best friend, Jaz doesn’t much like Karl. she thinks he is too controlling and has seen a change in Emily since she has been with him.

Emily tells Jaz that Karl loves her and only wants the best for her. Karl actually thinks that Jaz is controlling also. Emily and Jaz fall out.

Two weeks later, Karl shares indecent images of Emily on Social Media. When she confronts him, he says it’s because he is so proud of how beautiful she is and wants his friends to be jealous. He adds that she should never question him.

Karl has told Emily that she is not to wear makeup except when she is with him and he also controls what she can wear if she goes out without him. She rarely spends time away from him except for family functions.

People have started to notice that Emily spends a lot of time with Karl.

Emily tells herself that Karl treats her badly sometimes but overall he loves her. She has distanced herself from her friends and has no one to really talk to.

She doesn’t see anything wrong in Karl’s behaviour as he doesn’t hit her or hurt her.

THIS IS NOT OK! IT IS A FORM OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!

My frustration is that many young adults, particularly girls, fall victim to this type of behaviour partly because they don’t understand that it is wrong.

The feelings we have, when we experience our first love are intense and we can find ourselves trapped in a bad relationship, hoping to feel those feelings again. Unfortunately, this rarely happens and those lovely feelings are often replaced by negative feelings and fear.

If you or someone you know may be affected, please seek help from someone you trust or contact a specialist organisation for more help…don’t suffer in silence, we all have a choice and a right to be happy!

https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help?gclid=CjwKCAjw4871BRAjEiwAbxXi2yNTCi6ZX77jS8u5tntqNNtOv2WgH9vFf1ygiu_FWT4-zRC_qqZ0JRoC2joQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

https://www.everydayhealth.com/columns/voices-of-experience/how-you-can-help-someone-controlling-relationship/

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

If you like what you see, please hit the “follow” button, or for non-WordPress peeps, click here to leave your email address for updates

Check out my clothing for Gorgeous People here

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Please leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

How to Manage Conflict at home

How to Beat the Bully for Good!

Which Wolf do you Feed?

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

 

 

 

Introverts…Currently Saving the World!

Check out this beautiful article written by one of my clients about her experience of realising she was an Introvert…

Int vs ext

Originally, I believed introverts were people who disliked socialising and were quiet or shy. Sarah explained to me that this definition was wrong, and together we worked out that I was actually an introvert.

As a person, I am often loud and outspoken around those I’m familiar with, as long as I do not feel vulnerable (such as discussing a topic I am not confident in understanding or one that I am sensitive about). I am always making plans in my head about ideas for days out, and I love being with my family and friends. This is what made me believe I was an extrovert.

My main understanding is that I have what I believe most people call a ‘social battery’. This means I can socialise just as an extrovert would, but up until a certain point.

For example, when I’m on a holiday, at some point I have to separate myself from my family, like staying in my room or sitting on a balcony. I don’t do this because I’m mad at them or fed up but purely because I just need some alone time.

It’s difficult to explain the feeling you get and I don’t know the reason why it happens, but I think it’s something a lot of people experience and is tricky to deal with if you don’t understand what’s happening. It can also be hard to explain my behaviour to people around me, like my Mum who doesn’t really understand why I’m not out with my friends every weekend, because she doesn’t experience that feeling.

I definitely have a very close circle of true friends, which I know is a characteristic of an introvert. Despite this, I also like to be on friendly terms with lots of people that I can spend small amounts of time with, like having a quick conversation within a corridor, getting lunch with or spending lessons with. However, I would never get personal with people I wasn’t extremely close with. At school during my breaks I would often avoid places like the common room because it would be too much, and usually went there when it was in my free periods and there were less people.

I often fake confidence when I meet new people. I do this because I want to seem like an approachable person, when I’d usually rather not be speaking to people I don’t find interesting or have a relationship with. I worked as a cafe assistant for a time and didn’t mind small talk with customers, but I would always try to work in the kitchen with people I knew well instead of out front where I’d have to interact with lots of customers.

Something I have noticed since gaining a better understanding of myself, is that there are certain people who I find it hard to get socially exhausted around. For example, my few very closest friends and my Mum, are people who I find it hard to need to take a break from. I may need to take a break from the social event we are at, but I find I can relax with them rather than on my own.

Understanding I am an introvert helps me to keep in control of my behaviour. I can now understand that certain things are too much for me, and it makes me feel better knowing that it’s not that I’m too lazy for a night out, it’s that this week I really don’t feel like being around strangers and I’d rather we stayed in. (And often my friends are on the same wavelength).

Quarantine has not really been affecting me like I see it affecting some people. I don’t feel a need to go out and don’t think I will do long as I can entertain myself. Although, I do miss my friends and family, and would say I am looking forward to it being over.

-Anon, Lichfield, Staffs, UK

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

If you like what you see, please hit the “follow” button, or for non-WordPress peeps, click here to leave your email address for updates

Check out my clothing for Gorgeous People here

Please leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

 

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to Beat the Bully for Good!

Check out my 3 Bully Busting Facts and  3 Top Tips for beating the bully in your life…

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Photo by Odonata Wellnesscenter on Pexels.com

With the recent rise in cases of Domestic disturbance, it highlights to us all that not everyone is having a fun time staying in.

Several terms are being used to talk about the behaviour that falls under the wider umbrella of “Bullying”.

It is worth saying at this point that if you feel threatened in any way please get help.

FACT 1 – The majority of bullies have very low self-worth

FACT 2 -The bully needs you more than you need them!

FACT 3 – YOU as the victim have the power

Bullies project their behaviour onto others to get a reaction and to help them feel better about themselves. This is not in any way a strategy to feel better about yourself and so the bully never feels any better.

A lot of bullies are repeating behaviour they have been exposed to in a strange way, they want you to feel as bad as them. this creates a need in them…YOU

Before your bully came into your life you were probably getting along quite happily and you will get along quite happily once they have left your life. So, you need to recognise your power and make a decision to stay in this stagnant relationship, or leave.

If you choose to put some Victim Va Va Voom in your life and leave your bully in the dust, here are my Top 5 Tips…

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

1. Get to know your bully

This doesn’t mean you have to try and be friends. What I’m talking about here is playing them at their own game. Your bully has been studying you to see where your weaknesses are. These may be to do with your appearance, life choices etc. You need to focus on them. I don’t mean become a stalker, just simple observations…trust me.

Ask yourself if they seem happy, do they seem anxious, does anyone else like them, who stands up to them?

The simple act of switching your attention onto studying them will cause some micro changes in your body language which will be noticed.

2. Try a different reaction

Remember, your bully will be used to seeing you avoid them, perhaps getting upset etc. so let’s shake things up a bit.

Depending on how brave you are feeling, you can try one of these two reactions…

Walk away from your bully but in your head, channel your favourite celebrity or a person you admire who would never stand for this abuse. Count to 100 before stopping or looking back. AND SMILE!

or

Don’t walk away, agree with everything they say whilst yawning and looking at your watch or phone. Ask them to let you know when they are done. They will probably get really angry at this point and direct more abuse at you so make sure you prepare for this and try and stay calm.

3. Look at yourself

Once you have dispatched your bully and have returned to your great life, you need to be really honest with yourself and look at some reasons why you may have become, and more importantly, stayed a victim. Once you can identify what happened, you will then be far more effective at ensuring you are never a victim again.

Just remember that bullies are only humans too, they have floors and they can be defeated but you hold the key to this.

If you would like to know more about the psychology behind this intricate and common relationship, click here and leave your email address to be the first to know when my interactive online course to beat bullies comes out soon.

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

If you like what you see, please hit the “follow” button, or for non WordPress peeps, click here to leave your email address for updates

Please leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

Or check out my personalised clothing line here

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

Which Wolf do you Feed?

Anxiety – Why do I feel it?

Articles from Sarah

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Which Wolf do you Feed?

Wolf

As I hear the differing views of our World experience play out, I’m reminded of a very ancient Native American story that I recite often. it basically goes like so…

A young boy told his grandfather that he had repeatedly been visited by two Wolves in his dreams.

One Wolf was kind and gentle and gave him good advice, the other was scary and tried to take things from him and called him bad names.

“I want the kind Wolf to stay but the bad Wolf keeps coming too. How do I know which Wolf will stay and which Wolf will go?” asked the little boy.

His Grandfather pulled him onto his knee and said…

“The Wolf that stays is one you feed”

Which Wolf do you feed? The kind and loving one who is trying to help you grow, or the negative and cruel Wolf who only wants to make you feel unhappy?

Starve your cruel Wolf and let him go and feed your kind Wolf so he can stay as your companion.

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

If you like what you see, please hit the “follow” button, or for non WordPress peeps, insert your email address over on the right for article alerts.

Please leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

Anxiety – Why do I feel it?

Anxiety – Preparation is Power! Top Tips

Anxiety – Top Tips for Instant relief

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

Anxiety – Why do I feel it?

Now its time for the third article in my series on Anxiety and how to handle it.

This time, we look at why we might be feeling anxious…

Of course, in these uncertain times there are plenty of reasons to feel anxious but some of us may be more vulnerable to this than others.

In any case, let’s take a closer look…

So now we know the facts about anxiety, what it is and how it works, we are armed with information.

We have also learned some quick fixes to deal with anxiety reactions when they occur. The next thing we did was to look at how we can better prepare ourselves so that anxiety doesn’t affect us as often or as severely.

So, at this point, we’re all set to understand and manage the symptoms. But what about the cause? Why do we feel anxious?

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

The good news is that the fight, flight or freeze reaction has been developed over years of evolution to help us survive. The way we feel when we are having an anxiety reaction, as awful as it is, is actually a survival instinct.

I’m going to talk you through some steps which will help you to identify and make friends with your anxiety reaction so that you can harness it’s power to super charge your own super human powers!

superhuman

I want to take you back to when we thought about where we felt our anxiety reaction for a moment. For the next couple of minutes, if you feel comfortable, I’d like you to relax and make sure you are safely seated or even lying down.

Now, I want you to think about a time when you felt anxious. Your natural instinct may be to shy away from this memory but stay with it and feel whatever you are feeling in this moment.

Try and identify where this feeling is in your body.

Do you feel it in your body or is it more like a presence outside of your body?

Try and identify it as if you had been asked to draw it. It could be a feeling, a colour, a shape, a person, an animal

As it comes to life in your mind’s eye, look at it and acknowledge it.

Whatever you see or feel, remember this is your friend. It is there to help and protect you. The more you try and ignore it and push it away, the more it tries to gain your attention.

Make a decision to work together. Thank it for it’s help so far in keeping you safe.

Try and solidify the feeling, presence or colour whatever you have in your mind’s eye.

This part is important because you can recognise your friend when it is there in the future.

Now, think about how you can call on your friend when you need to and also how you can tell it when it can take a rest. Will there be a word? A colour? Decide with your new friend how you can work together.

Now you have made friends, I want you to really think about how you are feeling. Does it feel different? If not, that’s ok, just acknowledge what is going on for you.

Ok, now it is time to say goodbye to your friend for now, you will see them or feel them again but they can leave for now.

As you wave them off in your mind’s eye, start to gently wiggle your toes and your fingers.

Turn the corners of your mouth upwards into a smile and gently open your eyes.

You’re amazing oh, and you have a new friend too!

Ok, so now you have really completed the circle. With practice, you will find that your new knowledge will continue to solidify, and you will begin to see that what was once a negative feeling can now become your best superpower!

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

If you like what you see, please hit the “follow” button, or for non WordPress peeps, insert your email address over on the right for article alerts.

Please leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

Anxiety – Preparation is Power! Top Tips

Anxiety – Top Tips for Instant relief

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

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