Check out my 3 Bully Busting Facts and 3 Top Tips for beating the bully in your life…
With the recent rise in cases of Domestic disturbance, it highlights to us all that not everyone is having a fun time staying in.
Several terms are being used to talk about the behaviour that falls under the wider umbrella of “Bullying”.
It is worth saying at this point that if you feel threatened in any way please get help.
FACT 1 – The majority of bullies have very low self-worth
FACT 2 -The bully needs you more than you need them!
FACT 3 – YOU as the victim have the power
Bullies project their behaviour onto others to get a reaction and to help them feel better about themselves. This is not in any way a strategy to feel better about yourself and so the bully never feels any better.
A lot of bullies are repeating behaviour they have been exposed to in a strange way, they want you to feel as bad as them. this creates a need in them…YOU
Before your bully came into your life you were probably getting along quite happily and you will get along quite happily once they have left your life. So, you need to recognise your power and make a decision to stay in this stagnant relationship, or leave.
If you choose to put some Victim Va Va Voom in your life and leave your bully in the dust, here are my Top 5 Tips…
1. Get to know your bully
This doesn’t mean you have to try and be friends. What I’m talking about here is playing them at their own game. Your bully has been studying you to see where your weaknesses are. These may be to do with your appearance, life choices etc. You need to focus on them. I don’t mean become a stalker, just simple observations…trust me.
Ask yourself if they seem happy, do they seem anxious, does anyone else like them, who stands up to them?
The simple act of switching your attention onto studying them will cause some micro changes in your body language which will be noticed.
2. Try a different reaction
Remember, your bully will be used to seeing you avoid them, perhaps getting upset etc. so let’s shake things up a bit.
Depending on how brave you are feeling, you can try one of these two reactions…
Walk away from your bully but in your head, channel your favourite celebrity or a person you admire who would never stand for this abuse. Count to 100 before stopping or looking back. AND SMILE!
Don’t walk away, agree with everything they say whilst yawning and looking at your watch or phone. Ask them to let you know when they are done. They will probably get really angry at this point and direct more abuse at you so make sure you prepare for this and try and stay calm.
3. Look at yourself
Once you have dispatched your bully and have returned to your great life, you need to be really honest with yourself and look at some reasons why you may have become, and more importantly, stayed a victim. Once you can identify what happened, you will then be far more effective at ensuring you are never a victim again.
Just remember that bullies are only humans too, they have floors and they can be defeated but you hold the key to this.
If you would like to know more about the psychology behind this intricate and common relationship, click here and leave your email address to be the first to know when my interactive online course to beat bullies comes out soon.
Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here
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