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Introverts vs Extrovert in Lockdown…and the winners are???

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

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Personality Stuff

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If the Mountain can’t come to Me…

In these trying times, we are overwhelmed with stories of hope and triumph against all the odds which I love.

We are also painfully aware that this is not the case for everyone and many people are struggling with real issues!

I’m trying to bring some helpful counselling hints and tips into your space in as many ways as possible.

Check out my Bitesized Help and also my YouTube Channel where I’m trying to address as many of the problems that we may be facing as I can.

Please support the Channel by Subscribing and sharing the links with anyone you feel would benefit.

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Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

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Please leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

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If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

How to Manage Conflict at home

Which Wolf do you Feed?

And…Breathe

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How an Extrovert helped an Introvert…

Yes, sometimes we can benefit from some help confronting a part of us that doesn’t work so well, and when we do, that’s when the magic happens!

 

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Photo by Elly Fairytale on Pexels.com

Recently, I had a conversation with my Daughter-in-Law-in-Waiting about my motivation and how it was sometimes my worst enemy when trying to bring projects to life.

I am an INFJwhich is a fairly obscure personality type as anyone who knows me will agree! She is an ESTJ. There is far more to it than she is an extrovert and I am an introvert. The four letters make a difference and the order in which they come make another difference again!

To keep things simple, we all have four functions which make up our “function stack” (the four letters). For the purposes of this article, I am looking at my weakest function and my Daughter-in-Law-in-Waiting’s strongest function.

My weakest function is something called “Extroverted Sensing”. When this is working well and when someone has it higher up their “stack”, it gives them the ability to simplify problems and take action, be playful but also realistic and; perhaps most importantly, stay present in a situation!

As this is my weakest function, I can pretty much say that I tend to act out the opposite of these positive functions. This gives me a problem when I am trying to bring to life the amazing ideas and possibilities that I conjure up in my Introverted Intuitive brain!

My Daughter-in-Law-in-Waiting’s strongest function is her Extroverted Thinking which suits her job as a project manager expertly well! She excels in bringing order to chaos and leading others to do so.

She told me that, at work, she has 3 project boards. The first is the “Ideas” board where thoughts, ideas and problems to be solved are added.

The second is the “Live Project” board, where ideas are accepted as worthy projects and are in the planning stage.

The final board is the “Completion” board. This is where projects go to be finished, they have a timeline and a full project management system in place. Deadlines are set here!

My Daughter-in-Law-in-Waiting told me that she feels I get stuck in the first two project boards and I rarely move to the “Completion” phase of a project! This was a light bulb moment for me!

I was able to engage my Introverted Intuitive mind and create a beautiful project board of my own! It’s colour coordinated (yes, yes, ok, I spent more time creating the project board than I should…I AM an INFJ guys!) and I love to look at it.

I  noticed two key things though…

  1. There weren’t as many pressing things to get completed as I thought
  2. I actually find myself a little less distracted (I said “a little less” come on, baby steps!) as I work towards the satisfying strike through to mark an action off my list

Happy Action planning to you all!

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

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If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

Introverts…Currently Saving the World!

Personality – It’s no Joke

#INFJ etc.

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Introverts…Currently Saving the World!

Check out this beautiful article written by one of my clients about her experience of realising she was an Introvert…

Int vs ext

Originally, I believed introverts were people who disliked socialising and were quiet or shy. Sarah explained to me that this definition was wrong, and together we worked out that I was actually an introvert.

As a person, I am often loud and outspoken around those I’m familiar with, as long as I do not feel vulnerable (such as discussing a topic I am not confident in understanding or one that I am sensitive about). I am always making plans in my head about ideas for days out, and I love being with my family and friends. This is what made me believe I was an extrovert.

My main understanding is that I have what I believe most people call a ‘social battery’. This means I can socialise just as an extrovert would, but up until a certain point.

For example, when I’m on a holiday, at some point I have to separate myself from my family, like staying in my room or sitting on a balcony. I don’t do this because I’m mad at them or fed up but purely because I just need some alone time.

It’s difficult to explain the feeling you get and I don’t know the reason why it happens, but I think it’s something a lot of people experience and is tricky to deal with if you don’t understand what’s happening. It can also be hard to explain my behaviour to people around me, like my Mum who doesn’t really understand why I’m not out with my friends every weekend, because she doesn’t experience that feeling.

I definitely have a very close circle of true friends, which I know is a characteristic of an introvert. Despite this, I also like to be on friendly terms with lots of people that I can spend small amounts of time with, like having a quick conversation within a corridor, getting lunch with or spending lessons with. However, I would never get personal with people I wasn’t extremely close with. At school during my breaks I would often avoid places like the common room because it would be too much, and usually went there when it was in my free periods and there were less people.

I often fake confidence when I meet new people. I do this because I want to seem like an approachable person, when I’d usually rather not be speaking to people I don’t find interesting or have a relationship with. I worked as a cafe assistant for a time and didn’t mind small talk with customers, but I would always try to work in the kitchen with people I knew well instead of out front where I’d have to interact with lots of customers.

Something I have noticed since gaining a better understanding of myself, is that there are certain people who I find it hard to get socially exhausted around. For example, my few very closest friends and my Mum, are people who I find it hard to need to take a break from. I may need to take a break from the social event we are at, but I find I can relax with them rather than on my own.

Understanding I am an introvert helps me to keep in control of my behaviour. I can now understand that certain things are too much for me, and it makes me feel better knowing that it’s not that I’m too lazy for a night out, it’s that this week I really don’t feel like being around strangers and I’d rather we stayed in. (And often my friends are on the same wavelength).

Quarantine has not really been affecting me like I see it affecting some people. I don’t feel a need to go out and don’t think I will do long as I can entertain myself. Although, I do miss my friends and family, and would say I am looking forward to it being over.

-Anon, Lichfield, Staffs, UK

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

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Loving Lockdown?

In my day job, I work with teenagers in schools as a counsellor. Recently, we have seen a change in the way everyone is interacting with their World!

Bea 3

School was cancelled, then exams were cancelled, life seems to have been temporarily cancelled!

So, what has happened?

One of the schools I work with was kind enough to keep my services for its students which of course meant we had to work in a different way. Facetime, video calling, and telephone catchups took the place of face to face working.

It all seemed a little strange at first, we awkwardly greeted each other and talked mostly about our strange circumstances.

But then something wonderful began to happen! It was a learning experience that I could not have anticipated. These teenagers adapted in the most amazing ways! Those of them who were more introverted, began to realise that they felt better for being away from the stressful atmosphere at school. Those who were more extraverted found ways to engage with friends and family and set up remote book clubs, quiz nights etc.

With the agreement of some of my young adults, I can share with you some of what they have been up to and how it feels to be in this strange World…

Bea Crawford is waiting to start college in September to study beauty and has started her own Instagram Page. She has also been to see her horses and check on them as they have been left out to graze to avoid social contact at the stables where they are kept. Here are some of her latest pics

 

What a talented young lady!! Bea is really making her time work out!

You can follow Bea on Instagram here

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

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How to Beat the Bully for Good!

Which Wolf do you Feed?

Can I get an “Amen” up in here?

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How to Beat the Bully for Good!

Check out my 3 Bully Busting Facts and  3 Top Tips for beating the bully in your life…

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Photo by Odonata Wellnesscenter on Pexels.com

With the recent rise in cases of Domestic disturbance, it highlights to us all that not everyone is having a fun time staying in.

Several terms are being used to talk about the behaviour that falls under the wider umbrella of “Bullying”.

It is worth saying at this point that if you feel threatened in any way please get help.

FACT 1 – The majority of bullies have very low self-worth

FACT 2 -The bully needs you more than you need them!

FACT 3 – YOU as the victim have the power

Bullies project their behaviour onto others to get a reaction and to help them feel better about themselves. This is not in any way a strategy to feel better about yourself and so the bully never feels any better.

A lot of bullies are repeating behaviour they have been exposed to in a strange way, they want you to feel as bad as them. this creates a need in them…YOU

Before your bully came into your life you were probably getting along quite happily and you will get along quite happily once they have left your life. So, you need to recognise your power and make a decision to stay in this stagnant relationship, or leave.

If you choose to put some Victim Va Va Voom in your life and leave your bully in the dust, here are my Top 5 Tips…

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

1. Get to know your bully

This doesn’t mean you have to try and be friends. What I’m talking about here is playing them at their own game. Your bully has been studying you to see where your weaknesses are. These may be to do with your appearance, life choices etc. You need to focus on them. I don’t mean become a stalker, just simple observations…trust me.

Ask yourself if they seem happy, do they seem anxious, does anyone else like them, who stands up to them?

The simple act of switching your attention onto studying them will cause some micro changes in your body language which will be noticed.

2. Try a different reaction

Remember, your bully will be used to seeing you avoid them, perhaps getting upset etc. so let’s shake things up a bit.

Depending on how brave you are feeling, you can try one of these two reactions…

Walk away from your bully but in your head, channel your favourite celebrity or a person you admire who would never stand for this abuse. Count to 100 before stopping or looking back. AND SMILE!

or

Don’t walk away, agree with everything they say whilst yawning and looking at your watch or phone. Ask them to let you know when they are done. They will probably get really angry at this point and direct more abuse at you so make sure you prepare for this and try and stay calm.

3. Look at yourself

Once you have dispatched your bully and have returned to your great life, you need to be really honest with yourself and look at some reasons why you may have become, and more importantly, stayed a victim. Once you can identify what happened, you will then be far more effective at ensuring you are never a victim again.

Just remember that bullies are only humans too, they have floors and they can be defeated but you hold the key to this.

If you would like to know more about the psychology behind this intricate and common relationship, click here and leave your email address to be the first to know when my interactive online course to beat bullies comes out soon.

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

If you like what you see, please hit the “follow” button, or for non WordPress peeps, click here to leave your email address for updates

Please leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

Or check out my personalised clothing line here

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

Which Wolf do you Feed?

Anxiety – Why do I feel it?

Articles from Sarah

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Which Wolf do you Feed?

Wolf

As I hear the differing views of our World experience play out, I’m reminded of a very ancient Native American story that I recite often. it basically goes like so…

A young boy told his grandfather that he had repeatedly been visited by two Wolves in his dreams.

One Wolf was kind and gentle and gave him good advice, the other was scary and tried to take things from him and called him bad names.

“I want the kind Wolf to stay but the bad Wolf keeps coming too. How do I know which Wolf will stay and which Wolf will go?” asked the little boy.

His Grandfather pulled him onto his knee and said…

“The Wolf that stays is one you feed”

Which Wolf do you feed? The kind and loving one who is trying to help you grow, or the negative and cruel Wolf who only wants to make you feel unhappy?

Starve your cruel Wolf and let him go and feed your kind Wolf so he can stay as your companion.

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

If you like what you see, please hit the “follow” button, or for non WordPress peeps, insert your email address over on the right for article alerts.

Please leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

Anxiety – Why do I feel it?

Anxiety – Preparation is Power! Top Tips

Anxiety – Top Tips for Instant relief

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

Second to None!

In this latest article in my personality series, we are going to inspect the second letter of your Four Letter personality type! If you still want to take the test you can do that here.

So the second letter will either be an “N” or an “S” and these letters are all about what we do with the information we get from the World.

N for iNtuitive

Intuitive types like to think about the past and the future to process information about what to do next. They prefer to ponder the “What ifs” of life. Intuitives tend to be Big Picture thinkers and will explore many differing theories before connecting the dots and coming to a conclusion.

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Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Don’t make the mistake of thinking that this means they are wishy washy in their thinking or find it difficult to make decisions. This is far from the truth.

It’s just that they think “around” things and integrate more factors into their thinking processes than Sensing types.

On the down side, Intuitives can struggle with more complex issues as they will often come to a conclusion very quickly and can appear to be out of touch or just generally confusing to others!

Where a situation requires drastic change, however, your Intuitive is your number one creative outside the box thinker!

S for Sensing

Conversely to the Intuitive type, the Sensor often has no regard for the past or present as they are clearly focused on the here and now. Sensors are able to think about the past and the future but only in regard to how it affects them in the “now”.

Sensors are practical and sensible people, keeping the focus on the job in hand. This makes them excellent “doers”

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Sensors can also be creative and imaginative when applying these traits to a job in hand.

Sensors need to watch their tendency to be overly practical in everything as they may miss an opportunity to create a smarter solution by avoiding over thinking.

If you want a job doing and doing well call on your sensor!

In conclusion, we are all fabulous! Intuitives and Sensors working together are a force to be reckoned with!

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Photo by Jill Wellington on Pexels.com

Hopefully, if you have identified either of these two letters as your second letter, you will now be making some sense of your personality type!

Subscribe to my website to get articles as they are published! Next in the series “F” and “T”

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

If you like what you see, please hit the “follow” button, or for non WordPress peeps, insert your email address over on the right for article alerts.

Please leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

First Letters First

Personality – It’s no Joke

The Ultimate Four Letter Word

#INFJ etc.

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

Book cover

First Letters First

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Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Pexels.com

First of all, welcome and thank you for sharing your precious time with me! We are all as amazing and special as our super individual finger prints.

BUT – not totally…

Ok, if you’re reading on from my last article and you have taken the test, you should now have four letters which are your personality type.

Let’s take the easy route and start with the first letter…

You should have an E or an I

E = Extravert

I = Introvert

Here’s a really easy explanation  – Extraverts experience the World EXTernally i.e. outside of their head; and Introverts experience the World INTernally i.e. inside of their head

Int vs ext

At this stage, I feel duty-bound to stave off comments like…

“Introverts are shy”

“Extraverts are loud”

In our society we often mis-use these words and it can lead to a lot of confusion.

I personally am tired of having to remind my nearest and dearest that I am an Introvert as some of my other personality letters make me appear to be quite outgoing, gregarious and a bit of a diva!

My Sister on the other hand hates the bad press that Extraverts get around them being party animals, always up for anything etc. when she (an Extravert) loves nothing more than an evening on the sofa binge-watching a box set.

The difference being that if we both got a last minute invitation to a night out, she would be happy to go. I, on the other hand would start leafing through my “handy book of excuses”.

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Photo by Polina Zimmerman on Pexels.com

Starting to make sense?

Take a look at some of these definitions…

Actions Introvert Extravert
Meaning Prefers to remain isolated, or enjoys the company of a few close people Outgoing and enjoys being around and talking to lots of people
How others see them Self contained Gregarious
How they speak Think before speaking and sometimes struggle to say what they mean Make sense of things by speaking them
How they energise Recharge by solitude Recharge by social interactions
How they prefer to spend time Happy to spend more time alone Likes to spend more time with family and friends
Focus Inward Outward
How they deal with change Struggle more with change Accept change easily
How they communicate Will openly communicate with those they know and trust Will openly communicate about themselves with anyone
Concentration Can usually concentrate for long periods Get distracted easily

So – stand up and be proud of your FIRST LETTER

 

All the “I’s” say “I”

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Photo by Retha Ferguson on Pexels.com

All the “E’s” say “E”

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Photo by Harrison Haines on Pexels.com

Most important of all, both I’s and E’s are all part of the rich “WE”

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

If you like what you see, please hit the “follow” button, or for non WordPress peeps, insert your email address over on the right for article alerts.

Please leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

Personality – It’s no Joke

#INFJ etc.

An Introvert’s Hell

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

Book cover

 

Why doesn’t everyone feel anxious?

Have you ever wondered why you feel anxious?

Many people I counsel suffer with some form of anxiety. I often spend time explaining exactly what anxiety is which can be really helpful. Find out more here.

But are some of us pre-disposed to feel anxious? Could it possibly be something to do with our personality type?

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Photo by Andrew Neel on Pexels.com

I see a lot of anxious people and I find that most of them are Highly Sensitive People or Intuitive people. Although this is a great gift, it can also cause us much angst in a modern, hustle bustle World.

To find out more, click here

I am a Highly Sensitive Person and an Intuitive Personality Type so I have a double whammy!

Pros

  • creative
  • know when others aren’t feeling so good
  • able to see beyond what is in front of me

Cons

  • nervous disposition
  • often feel weird or misunderstood
  • struggle in busy environments

And many more on both sides! For now though, if some of this makes sense to you, subscribe to my blog as I’ll be exploring in more depth how we can harness our amazing personalities and how we can learn to understand ourselves and others much better.

If it doesn’t make sense to you and you feel like you may as well be reading this blog in another language, I encourage you to also stay tuned because what you will learn may well help you to see yourself and others in a totally different light!

And who doesn’t want to learn how to make relationships that little bit easier to navigate!

I encourage you to take this really quick personality test and a make a note of the 4 letters that make up your amazing personality. It’ll help more with the stuff I talk about later.

Good luck with your fabulous 4!

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. find out more here.

If you like what you see here, please hit the “follow” button, leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

#INFJ etc.

An Introvert’s Hell

And…Breathe

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

 

 

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