Having a little DejaVu? – and an announcement…

Hello all you lovely people!

Today’s offering is a video which is part of the personality types series. Today we talk about the differences between Intuitives and Sensors. Which one are you?

I’m also excited to announce that my new ACCREDITED online course “Counselling Skills with a Young Adult Specialism” will be ready for release soon! Keep an eye out as places are limited!

FIND OUT MORE HERE

And in the meantime, enjoy…

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, walking and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

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You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter,  Facebook or Instagram and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

Personality – It’s no Joke

An Introvert’s Hell

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

Introverts vs Extrovert in Lockdown…and the winners are???

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

If you like what you see, please hit the “follow” button, or for non-WordPress peeps, click here to leave your email address for updates

Support my page by subscribing to my YouTube Channel or donating a small amount each month via Patreon

Check out my clothing for Gorgeous People here

Please leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter,  Facebook or Instagram and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

Personality Stuff

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

How an Extrovert helped an Introvert…

Yes, sometimes we can benefit from some help confronting a part of us that doesn’t work so well, and when we do, that’s when the magic happens!

 

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Photo by Elly Fairytale on Pexels.com

Recently, I had a conversation with my Daughter-in-Law-in-Waiting about my motivation and how it was sometimes my worst enemy when trying to bring projects to life.

I am an INFJwhich is a fairly obscure personality type as anyone who knows me will agree! She is an ESTJ. There is far more to it than she is an extrovert and I am an introvert. The four letters make a difference and the order in which they come make another difference again!

To keep things simple, we all have four functions which make up our “function stack” (the four letters). For the purposes of this article, I am looking at my weakest function and my Daughter-in-Law-in-Waiting’s strongest function.

My weakest function is something called “Extroverted Sensing”. When this is working well and when someone has it higher up their “stack”, it gives them the ability to simplify problems and take action, be playful but also realistic and; perhaps most importantly, stay present in a situation!

As this is my weakest function, I can pretty much say that I tend to act out the opposite of these positive functions. This gives me a problem when I am trying to bring to life the amazing ideas and possibilities that I conjure up in my Introverted Intuitive brain!

My Daughter-in-Law-in-Waiting’s strongest function is her Extroverted Thinking which suits her job as a project manager expertly well! She excels in bringing order to chaos and leading others to do so.

She told me that, at work, she has 3 project boards. The first is the “Ideas” board where thoughts, ideas and problems to be solved are added.

The second is the “Live Project” board, where ideas are accepted as worthy projects and are in the planning stage.

The final board is the “Completion” board. This is where projects go to be finished, they have a timeline and a full project management system in place. Deadlines are set here!

My Daughter-in-Law-in-Waiting told me that she feels I get stuck in the first two project boards and I rarely move to the “Completion” phase of a project! This was a light bulb moment for me!

I was able to engage my Introverted Intuitive mind and create a beautiful project board of my own! It’s colour coordinated (yes, yes, ok, I spent more time creating the project board than I should…I AM an INFJ guys!) and I love to look at it.

I  noticed two key things though…

  1. There weren’t as many pressing things to get completed as I thought
  2. I actually find myself a little less distracted (I said “a little less” come on, baby steps!) as I work towards the satisfying strike through to mark an action off my list

Happy Action planning to you all!

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

If you like what you see, please hit the “follow” button, or for non-WordPress peeps, click here to leave your email address for updates

Check out my clothing for Gorgeous People here

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Please leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

Introverts…Currently Saving the World!

Personality – It’s no Joke

#INFJ etc.

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

 

 

 

When you know what you know…

When I first decided I wanted to write, I had a fantasy that I would write a book, get an Agent and a Publisher and enjoy a life of writing forever…

 

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Photo by Harrison Haines on Pexels.com

OK OK you can stop laughing now!

The reality is that writing a book is bloody hard work and publishing and promoting it is even harder!

I’ve long since given up on this idea but I’ve discovered something far more valuable in the process.

The small gains are so gratifying and exciting, I wonder whether I’d even really like the lazy author life. I’ve discovered that self publishing is not only fun, but I retain control!

Control of the book, control of the book cover, control of the pricing and control of the promotion.

After reading Firefly Magic by Lauren Sapala, I realised that I can do this and that the way my brain works, although it is different from many others, (read weird, kooky, crazy…you choose) is ok, and most of all EFFECTIVE.

After all, if Lauren can do it so can I!

So, here’s an excerpt from my book which will be free on Amazon this weekend! If you like the sound it, head on over and download a copy – don’t forget to leave a review if you can!

“Mia was a little girl with a big personality. Standing no more than shoulder height to my 4’11” she was tiny even for year 7.

Her father being mixed afro Caribbean and her mother white, Mia was mixed race. She sat before me, her milky brown skin and dark brown eyes set within an elfin face almost hidden by a shock of hair falling in ringlets to her waist. The ringlets were partially tamed by a small clip placed on top of her head. Mia sat on her hands, legs swinging as they didn’t reach the floor; and she rocked back and forth.

Mia had rather a pronounced tic in her right eye which I found distracting but in a strange way, also made her endearing. Mia rocked back and forth looking at me, her hands still firmly under her legs. She began to grimace in the way a small child would when they are getting angry. Her bottom jaw jutted out and her open lips revealed gritted teeth. Her eyes were now fixed and wide open, staring just past me. Was she about to have some sort of seizure? I felt myself becoming concerned, but I held my position as I felt there was more to come.

Sure enough, after a few seconds, Mia let out a loud, low “Grrrrrrr” and her head began to shake. Mia had now firmly fixed her pretty brown eyes on me and, as I looked, I saw it. Slowly, very slowly and starting at her eyes, Mia began to smile, an almost manic, mischievous smile. What was she trying to tell me? What did she need me to know or do? I held my position still further and the growl began to morph into a low-pitched demonic laugh. Her legs were now swinging in opposing directions and she threw her ringlets back and stared up at the ceiling, looking back at me periodically, I suspect, to check I was still watching her. This went on for about 2 or 3 minutes. The tiny demon in front of me was pulling out all the stops. I sensed she wanted me to intervene or try and stop her, but I didn’t, partly because I wanted to observe the behaviour but partly because I was fascinated by it. The more the performance went on, the more I began to like this girl.

When she stopped, Mia looked at me quizzically. Her head was cocked to the side like a puppy. The facial tic returned, the rocking subsided and the hands remained, as they had been all along, under her legs.

“I hate this school, I hate my Dad, and I hate everyone except my Mom! I want my Mom!”

Mia’s demeanour changed, her spine curved backwards into a C shape and her face was screwed up like a toddler who had been refused a new toy. She was frowning. I really had been subjected to a full show here.

Finally, I spoke. “Wow” I said. It sounds like you have lots of feelings about lots of things. You say you hate your Dad, and everyone and the school and you want your Mom?”

“I just want my Mom! I hate my Dad!””

 

Thank you for reading and please get your copy of the book here or by clicking the cover image

Book cover

 

Get down off the Hook!

My article today is about sticking with things and seeing them through to the end, even if it seems like a never ending slog!

I’m speaking today about my career as a counsellor of young adults but also about following my lifelong dream of becoming a writer.

Book cover

When I decided that I wanted to become a Counsellor, I very naively thought I could attend a course for a year and go off and do the job. For some people this works (or at least they think it does) but for anyone who is devoted to the World of counselling others, we know that it takes time, patience and lots of self-introspection. I would also add that, I am still learning every day after 12 years.

My first book“Inside the Teenage Mind” was borne from my constant surprise and awe when listening to young adults tell their stories.

“You should write a book!”

“People would pay to read that!”

Eventually, I plucked up the courage and did it!

I tried for a while to make the traditional publishing route but received “no” after “no”. In the end, I decided to have a go at self publishing via Amazon.

But here’s the thing. My biggest dread was around marketing both myself and the book. I was sure that people would think me stupid and annoying plugging my book all the time.

I had tried just about everything with little success until I came across a great lady called Lauren Sapala. Lauren, like me is an INFJ and she seems to talk to my inner mind!

When she gives advice in her great books and on her website, I feel like I’m listening to myself when I talk to my clients!

The first thing I do is let them off the hook. So what if that failed? So what if they don’t like you? I find that letting people off the hooks they make for themselves give them space to breathe and think! With amazing consequences.

And do you know what? I’m actually starting to enjoy becoming an author-preneur!

Let’s hope it works for me too! Why not check out my book on Amazon and let me know what you think!

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. To find out more about Sarah, please see below.

If you like what you see here, please hit the “follow” button, leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

An Introvert’s Hell

Is Life in the Way?

Gee – A Real life story

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

An Introvert’s Hell

Last weekend I was involved in Introvert Hell!

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Photo by Toni Cuenca on Pexels.com

My Son’s girlfriend, Chloe; who I love dearly, was 21. Of course, I live in a family of Extroverts and I had known for some time that the festivities would be very extroverted in nature.

Chloe, like many people, has a split family and so there were various events to navigate. The first, a smaller affair, a Sunday lunch in a local restaurant, was enjoyable.

I was flanked by my Son and Husband who, although both extroverts, both know how to help me cope. My Son dutifully engages me in low key, but interesting conversation and we enjoy guessing the personality types of the other guests. A good majority of the guests at this event seemed a little more towards introverted and so all went well.

The second meal was a little busier, but members of our family had also been invited. It was a lovely event and Chloe opened her presents at the table which provided a welcome break from chit chat. I managed that one too!

Now, for the third and scariest event… Cue scary scream!!!

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Photo by Rene Asmussen on Pexels.com

The cocktail-drinking day out!

With karaoke!

Now all of you introverts may need to sit down for this one!

I need to explain first, that because I am an INFJ, I love people and I am often mis-interpreted by others as an extrovert. My best friend, Dawn still doesn’t believe me, but luckily, she just loves me for being me, whoever I am. And I love her for that.

I am not afraid to stand and deliver a speech in front of others.

I am not afraid to take the microphone and sing a karaoke song.

I am not afraid to join in a conversation.

But…

I hate noisy crowds.

I hate not knowing where I’m going or what time I will be home.

I hate standing around talking about, well, nothing.

Cue confusion and dismay from everyone else.

Cue my husband’s kiss of death comment – guaranteed to cause a row… “Just relax and try and enjoy yourself, you’ll get into it” I think I should get away with murder in a court of law following that comment!

To cope, I had to mentally split the day into hourly slots, making sure I was armed with train timetables for getting home. I also laid off the cocktails so I could drive home – escape guaranteed. I even indulged in photos! See uncomfortable photo below!

Angel Pic

I found a table to sit in every bar we visited, often alone while others stood at the bar chatting. I was comfortable in my static position, able to see coming and going and not stuck in the middle of a crowd. Thank god for phones so I didn’t look too out of place with my face in mine.

Then came the karaoke…place? I don’t know how else to describe a corridor of padded cells with excruciatingly loud music and even louder distorted microphones. In another dimension surely this would be a method of torture?

Another screaming rendition of Roy Orbison’s Pretty Woman anyone?

Luckily, I knew we only had a 2 hour slot so, again, I methodically split the time down and spent most of it hiding in the toilet or pretending to do something really important on my phone outside the padded cell.

I know most people reading this will be thinking “what is her problem?” or “how ungrateful” and that is because it is very difficult to explain to extroverts what a day like this is like for an introvert who is out of the introvert closet. I say this because there were a few other introverts in our party who were exhausting themselves by playing the extrovert game.

People often take it personally if I say no or duck out of an event early and this leaves me racked with guilt. “But you’d do it for me surely?” I try hard to be true to myself and my friends and family are gradually coming around, but it is still really difficult.

I will continue the struggle with the demon inside which is not my introversion but the guilt I feel for expressing it with others.

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. To find our more about Sarah, please see below.

If you like what you see here, please hit the “follow” button, leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

52 – 48% Do the Pumpkins have it?

Fear of Failure or Success?

It’s INFJ day!

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

Book cover

Why Introverts might love January

Phew, thank goodness that’s over for another year!!

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Photo by anna-m. weber on Pexels.com

I have an INFJ personality type.

It is said that I am the rarest personality type with less than 1% of “me’s” in the World population! I think that’s pretty cool but it does cause problems when I talk about my introversion to my amazing Extroverted friends and family.

If you want to know your type, take the test here

You see, I need to give you a little bit of geek info here for all of you personality type junkies. Although I possess introverted intuition which basically means I live my life in my head (it’s great there!), the “f” in my formation means that I also possess extroverted feelings. Again, to the laymen this means that I like to make people feel at ease and happy so I can appear extremely extroverted. I also morph into the situation I’m in.

For example, at parties, I will appear to be the life and soul but this is short lived as I quickly become exhausted and feel trapped in a World of small talk and exposure.

I can cope with it at work and as I have a job which requires me to be on the same wavelength with many different people, it works well. Also, I get to go home and veg for an hour to process my day and rest my tired brain,

You don’t have to have the same personality type as me to feel this way but many of you (almost 50% have an “I” formation don’t forget) will be identifying with some of what I’m saying.

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Here are 5 signs you’re a strung-out introvert following Christmas…

  1. I feel tired all the time – mental tiredness is different from physical tiredness which we all feel at this time of year. Your brain just can’t seem to get into gear
  2. I feel upset or angry and I don’t know why – agitation with others is a sure sign that your introvert walls have been breached
  3. I feel as if everyone is getting to me – I will often describe this feeling as “fractured” like an eggshell that has been partially broken
  4. I want to be alone all the time – you’ve had enough “people time” you’ve been using your extroverted skills for the last few weeks and you’ve had enough
  5. I don’t feel like myself – you’re not serving the need inside of you to have quiet time. Often returning to work can be another stress, having to be around people and be your work persona

Luckily, there are things that you can do to help you through and soon you’ll be feeling your amazing quietly confident self again…

Own it!

Know that you are more introverted and accept that you actually need to be alone sometimes. This doesn’t mean disappearing on a Buddhist retreat for a month, it simply means accepting that it’s ok to feel as you do and understanding why.

Be Mindfully Alone

By this I mean take time to acknowledge that you are putting time aside to be alone. Even if it’s a walk, a run, a bath or shower; tell yourself “I’m taking this time for me” and enjoy it. You could even try notching up the amount of minutes you’ve taken throughout the day and indulgently look back on them at the end of the day.

Breathe

This is the best way to deal with, well, ANY situation. If you can find your breath and truly be with it, you’re onto a winner. First of all, look at the way you breathe. Stand in front of a mirror and take a deep breath in. Chances are your upper chest will rise and fall as you breathe…

WRONG!!

This is sadly the way too many of us breathe. We are only using our upper torso to breathe which means we’re missing out on essential yummy life giving oxygen.

Do a full BELLY BREATH try and bring the breath to the bottom of your belly so that it inflates when you breathe. If you don’t know what I mean, watch a baby or an animal breathe, they’re so much better at it!

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Photo by Bingo Theme on Pexels.com

Once you have the hang of this, breathe in fully for a count of 6, hold for a count of 6, breathe out for a count of 6 and hold for a count of 6.

Repeat this for around 1 and a half minutes. you’ll probably feel a bit dizzy (that’s the oxygen) but you’ll be energised and that’s another 1 and a half minutes just for you! you can do it anytime, anywhere.

Don’t be Afraid to say No

I’m rubbish at this, always have been –  and even now as I try an explain myself to my nearest an dearest I get blank looks. I choose to remember how much better I feel when I serve my self and my needs. I become the best version of me!

Hopefully, you will have found something to like about this blog. If, however, you’re reading it thinking “What is she talking about?” you’re probably one of the other amazing 50% of the World who are extroverts.

Extroverts! I salute you!

Introverts! I salute you!

Ambiverts! I salute you! (that’s a whole other story!)

Remember to be aware, but most of all, be kind, after all we are all needed to make the World go around.

If you like what you see here, please hit the “follow” button, leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

What just happened?

It’s INFJ day!

The Ultimate Four Letter Word

Why Introverts especially love a snow day – How Teenagers can survive school

HELP! the expert who feels like a beginner

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

When a counsellor feels inadequate

Surprisingly, this happens a lot.

Is there more at play here?

Do we, as school counsellors, feel that we are older, wiser and therefore better equipped to know the meaning behind the words we hear?

As an INFJ personality type, I pride myself on my almost psychic ability to smell out when there is more to a story than meets the eye.

Every so often though, I get side swiped!

So, how do we deal with it?

I, for one, am not good at dealing with these feelings. In general, I always feel that I could, or should have done more. I often switch from my extroverted feeling function and wallow in my shadow personality function of the logical thinker.

 

I try and think about what could have led to the current situation. I will torture myself by reading into conversations, looks, body language, etc until I piece together how the revelations were drip fed to me and create the whole “logical” story. The story I missed!

It’s a grim part of my personality and one which I try and work on as I’m aware that whilst I’m worrying about what I could, should, would have said, I’m not giving my attention to the person who now needs it.

There is no answer for people like us who do these jobs because we care about others, except a wise example that my clinical supervisor once gave me.

“Difficulties we face in our personalities are often caused by the over-active use of a skill we have”

Let me use my situation as an example…

I have a skill and that skill is the ability to genuinely care for others and to support them to be the best version of themselves that they can be. This makes me happy.

Sometimes, I over-do this skill by thinking that I must be the answer to everyone’s problems all the time. Obviously, I can’t because that would be physically impossible. This makes me unhappy.

So, if we imagine an upwards curve, when we are in our happy place, the curve is in an upward motion.

When the curve starts to tip, the tipping point; it begins a downward trajectory.

Think of this like an upturned smile or a down turned sad face.

So after I have wallowed in self-pity for a while, I begin to examine my curve and concentrate on its upwards-turned smile.

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Photo by Kat Jayne on Pexels.com

If you like what you see here, please hit the “follow” button down below, better still, leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

Where is Your Boat Heading?

It’s INFJ day!

 

The Ultimate Four Letter Word

How can four letters make such a difference? I’m talking, of course, about personality types

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Photo by meo on Pexels.com

Of all the subjects I write and talk about in my work this seems to rank up there with attracting the most attention, and rightly so.

Finding your personality type can be super interesting (of course how interested you are depends on your personality type!). It can also explain a lot about why some people get on like a house on fire and others can’t stand the site of each other.

Go on then… take the test… I know you can’t wait. Read more about your type by entering your four special letters here

So, now you’ve scratched that itch, I’d love you to let me know what your type is, you can either comment below or go to my Facebook Page (don’t forget to hit “Like”) and let me know what you are. If you’re interested, I’m an INFJ

More recently, I’ve been starting to work with personality types with my students who love to find out their type and what it means for them. It also helps them to navigate the World of school, relationships, parents, but most of all themselves.

I love to bring relief to an Introverted Intuitive about the reasons why they feel overwhelmed and like to escape school and just need time alone at the end of the day. It’s also great to see young adults sharing their type with friends and finding out each others’ types.

I plan to continue my work with young adults in helping them use this tool to help them along their way a little bit and to help them develop empathy for others purely by understanding that we are all different.

Look out for some real life stories from young adults who have shared this journey.

I’d love to hear your views on this so please leave a comment below or contact me via Facebook  (please “like” my page) or Twitter (please follow me)

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