Anxiety – Preparation is Power! Top Tips

In the second of my series about handling anxiety (to get the first article check here). I’m going to show you how to prepare for when anxiety strikes.

If you have seen my first article Anxiety – Top Tips for Instant Relief  you will now know exactly what anxiety is and how it works in the body!

anxiety levels

Armed with that knowledge, we can look at how we can reduce the effects of anxiety when we know it is more likely to strike.

Preparation and Knowledge are the antidote to anxiety. By learning more about anxiety, which you have already done, you will be better equipped to make preparations and pre-empt situations which may make you feel anxious.

How do we do this? We need to examine when we are likely to feel anxious. Ask yourself these questions…

  • In which setting does the anxiety take place?
  • What do I feel in my body?
  • Is there any evidence to support my anxiety?
  • How can I minimise my exposure or mentally or physically prepare myself?
  • MOST IMPORTANT! – Report back – how did it go?

Now, let’s run through using an example with answers…

  • In which setting does the anxiety take place?

When I am in a supermarket

  • What do I feel in my body?

My stomach feels fluttery and my breath is short

  • Is there any evidence to support my anxiety?

There are often large crowds and loud noises which make me nervous and anxious

  • How can I minimise my exposure or mentally or physically prepare myself?

I could look at shopping online. I could try and shop at a quieter time. I could go shopping with my friend or partner. I could think ahead and make sure I breathe beforehand and during the shop. I could treat myself at the end if I make it

  • MOST IMPORTANT! – Report back – how did it go?

REPORT – I checked online for the quieter times and made a list so that I could be faster once inside. I practised breathing before I went in the shop and a couple of times whilst I was inside. I checked in with myself 4 or 5 times. At the end of the shop, I bought myself a chocolate bar and congratulated myself.

Try this method and add your own details. The best thing about it is you can re-use it for different instances of anxiety!

Subscribe to my website to see more tips as they are released!

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

If you like what you see, please hit the “follow” button, or for non WordPress peeps, insert your email address over on the right for article alerts.

Please leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

Anxiety – Top Tips for Instant relief

Anxiety

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

Book cover

 

First Letters First

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Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Pexels.com

First of all, welcome and thank you for sharing your precious time with me! We are all as amazing and special as our super individual finger prints.

BUT – not totally…

Ok, if you’re reading on from my last article and you have taken the test, you should now have four letters which are your personality type.

Let’s take the easy route and start with the first letter…

You should have an E or an I

E = Extravert

I = Introvert

Here’s a really easy explanation  – Extraverts experience the World EXTernally i.e. outside of their head; and Introverts experience the World INTernally i.e. inside of their head

Int vs ext

At this stage, I feel duty-bound to stave off comments like…

“Introverts are shy”

“Extraverts are loud”

In our society we often mis-use these words and it can lead to a lot of confusion.

I personally am tired of having to remind my nearest and dearest that I am an Introvert as some of my other personality letters make me appear to be quite outgoing, gregarious and a bit of a diva!

My Sister on the other hand hates the bad press that Extraverts get around them being party animals, always up for anything etc. when she (an Extravert) loves nothing more than an evening on the sofa binge-watching a box set.

The difference being that if we both got a last minute invitation to a night out, she would be happy to go. I, on the other hand would start leafing through my “handy book of excuses”.

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Photo by Polina Zimmerman on Pexels.com

Starting to make sense?

Take a look at some of these definitions…

Actions Introvert Extravert
Meaning Prefers to remain isolated, or enjoys the company of a few close people Outgoing and enjoys being around and talking to lots of people
How others see them Self contained Gregarious
How they speak Think before speaking and sometimes struggle to say what they mean Make sense of things by speaking them
How they energise Recharge by solitude Recharge by social interactions
How they prefer to spend time Happy to spend more time alone Likes to spend more time with family and friends
Focus Inward Outward
How they deal with change Struggle more with change Accept change easily
How they communicate Will openly communicate with those they know and trust Will openly communicate about themselves with anyone
Concentration Can usually concentrate for long periods Get distracted easily

So – stand up and be proud of your FIRST LETTER

 

All the “I’s” say “I”

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Photo by Retha Ferguson on Pexels.com

All the “E’s” say “E”

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Photo by Harrison Haines on Pexels.com

Most important of all, both I’s and E’s are all part of the rich “WE”

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

If you like what you see, please hit the “follow” button, or for non WordPress peeps, insert your email address over on the right for article alerts.

Please leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

Personality – It’s no Joke

#INFJ etc.

An Introvert’s Hell

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

Book cover

 

Why doesn’t everyone feel anxious?

Have you ever wondered why you feel anxious?

Many people I counsel suffer with some form of anxiety. I often spend time explaining exactly what anxiety is which can be really helpful. Find out more here.

But are some of us pre-disposed to feel anxious? Could it possibly be something to do with our personality type?

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Photo by Andrew Neel on Pexels.com

I see a lot of anxious people and I find that most of them are Highly Sensitive People or Intuitive people. Although this is a great gift, it can also cause us much angst in a modern, hustle bustle World.

To find out more, click here

I am a Highly Sensitive Person and an Intuitive Personality Type so I have a double whammy!

Pros

  • creative
  • know when others aren’t feeling so good
  • able to see beyond what is in front of me

Cons

  • nervous disposition
  • often feel weird or misunderstood
  • struggle in busy environments

And many more on both sides! For now though, if some of this makes sense to you, subscribe to my blog as I’ll be exploring in more depth how we can harness our amazing personalities and how we can learn to understand ourselves and others much better.

If it doesn’t make sense to you and you feel like you may as well be reading this blog in another language, I encourage you to also stay tuned because what you will learn may well help you to see yourself and others in a totally different light!

And who doesn’t want to learn how to make relationships that little bit easier to navigate!

I encourage you to take this really quick personality test and a make a note of the 4 letters that make up your amazing personality. It’ll help more with the stuff I talk about later.

Good luck with your fabulous 4!

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. find out more here.

If you like what you see here, please hit the “follow” button, leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

#INFJ etc.

An Introvert’s Hell

And…Breathe

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

 

 

Life will resume after this quick message…

Hello fellow Earth Dwellers…

Today, I ask you to celebrate the fact that we have all been celestially chosen to inhabit this place.

In the words of the Great Purple One Himself…

“We are gathered here today to get through this thing called life. Electric word life, it means forever and that’s a mighty long time”

princeangel

And although it may seem like a long time, especially if you are a young adult with your whole life ahead of you, it really isn’t that long…he should know

So take a couple of moments today to give thanks for YOU

You are loved

You are special

You are worthy

And as an added extra, I am personally sending you a cyber hug of love…Human to human

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Photo by Valeriia Miller on Pexels.com

Keep on keeping on and share the love today – but first of all with yourself

For more info on me, click here

And here are some more articles you might like…

Let them Try – Can Young Adults Change the World?

Tap, tap, tap…

Thank you for reading xx

 

When you know what you know…

When I first decided I wanted to write, I had a fantasy that I would write a book, get an Agent and a Publisher and enjoy a life of writing forever…

 

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Photo by Harrison Haines on Pexels.com

OK OK you can stop laughing now!

The reality is that writing a book is bloody hard work and publishing and promoting it is even harder!

I’ve long since given up on this idea but I’ve discovered something far more valuable in the process.

The small gains are so gratifying and exciting, I wonder whether I’d even really like the lazy author life. I’ve discovered that self publishing is not only fun, but I retain control!

Control of the book, control of the book cover, control of the pricing and control of the promotion.

After reading Firefly Magic by Lauren Sapala, I realised that I can do this and that the way my brain works, although it is different from many others, (read weird, kooky, crazy…you choose) is ok, and most of all EFFECTIVE.

After all, if Lauren can do it so can I!

So, here’s an excerpt from my book which will be free on Amazon this weekend! If you like the sound it, head on over and download a copy – don’t forget to leave a review if you can!

“Mia was a little girl with a big personality. Standing no more than shoulder height to my 4’11” she was tiny even for year 7.

Her father being mixed afro Caribbean and her mother white, Mia was mixed race. She sat before me, her milky brown skin and dark brown eyes set within an elfin face almost hidden by a shock of hair falling in ringlets to her waist. The ringlets were partially tamed by a small clip placed on top of her head. Mia sat on her hands, legs swinging as they didn’t reach the floor; and she rocked back and forth.

Mia had rather a pronounced tic in her right eye which I found distracting but in a strange way, also made her endearing. Mia rocked back and forth looking at me, her hands still firmly under her legs. She began to grimace in the way a small child would when they are getting angry. Her bottom jaw jutted out and her open lips revealed gritted teeth. Her eyes were now fixed and wide open, staring just past me. Was she about to have some sort of seizure? I felt myself becoming concerned, but I held my position as I felt there was more to come.

Sure enough, after a few seconds, Mia let out a loud, low “Grrrrrrr” and her head began to shake. Mia had now firmly fixed her pretty brown eyes on me and, as I looked, I saw it. Slowly, very slowly and starting at her eyes, Mia began to smile, an almost manic, mischievous smile. What was she trying to tell me? What did she need me to know or do? I held my position still further and the growl began to morph into a low-pitched demonic laugh. Her legs were now swinging in opposing directions and she threw her ringlets back and stared up at the ceiling, looking back at me periodically, I suspect, to check I was still watching her. This went on for about 2 or 3 minutes. The tiny demon in front of me was pulling out all the stops. I sensed she wanted me to intervene or try and stop her, but I didn’t, partly because I wanted to observe the behaviour but partly because I was fascinated by it. The more the performance went on, the more I began to like this girl.

When she stopped, Mia looked at me quizzically. Her head was cocked to the side like a puppy. The facial tic returned, the rocking subsided and the hands remained, as they had been all along, under her legs.

“I hate this school, I hate my Dad, and I hate everyone except my Mom! I want my Mom!”

Mia’s demeanour changed, her spine curved backwards into a C shape and her face was screwed up like a toddler who had been refused a new toy. She was frowning. I really had been subjected to a full show here.

Finally, I spoke. “Wow” I said. It sounds like you have lots of feelings about lots of things. You say you hate your Dad, and everyone and the school and you want your Mom?”

“I just want my Mom! I hate my Dad!””

 

Thank you for reading and please get your copy of the book here or by clicking the cover image

Book cover

 

A FREE Gift from me to you

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

In the spirit of Valentine’s weekend and to share the LOVE…

I’m excited to reveal that my book will be free on Amazon this weekend!!

All orders on Saturday 15th and Sunday 16th February will be FREE!

It talks about some of the amazing young adults I have worked with and graphically takes the reader on their amazing journeys.

What are you waiting for – get on over an order your free copy on Saturday. Click here or on the book cover to order

 

Book cover

And PLEASE leave a review… for those of you who are fellow writers, you know how important reviews are

Thank you and if you are interested in what I’m doing, you can follow me on Twitter too!

Recent posts…

Get down off the Hook!

An Introvert’s Hell

Let them Try – Can Young Adults Change the World?

Let them Try – Can Young Adults Change the World?

Last week was a very challenging one in my day job. One of my lovely Schools had to deal with a very tragic event which rocked the school and its students.

The school was exemplary in its handling of the situation and had already accessed all relevant crisis support teams to help students out.

As school counsellor, naturally, my time had been earmarked to speak to those students most directly affected. This is where my story gets interesting…

man standing in the middle of road
Photo by Myicahel Tamburini on Pexels.com

Yes, of course these young people were sad…and angry…and confused

But, once again, I was reminded of the natural strength that many of the young adults of today possess and I was humbled by the love and support they showed to each other.

All too often, we are told that our young adults are a waste of time, they’ll never amount to anything, they have no resilience, they don’t know how to deal with life. When they campaign for a better World, we tell them they have no idea what they are talking about.

Bollocks I say! Who knows how to deal with anything until it happens?

I’m re-watching Downton Abbey at the moment (pure indulgence) and I see the same comments being made about the young 100 years ago! The young who went on to be game changers in terms of Votes for Women, Better Education for all, and who had to survive the Second World War.

So I say this… Give our young adults a chance to show us what they can do and what they can cope with … I know we’ll be pleasantly surprised!

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. To find our more about Sarah, please see below.

If you like what you see here, please hit the “follow” button, leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

Common Parenting Mistakes – The Interfering Parent

TRAGEDY!!

Attachment-Do we really have a generation of Velcro kids?

It’s Always the Quiet ones…

Book cover

 

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

Abuse -the soft signs

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Abuse – what is it and how do we deal with it?

Anyone who has been watching the news this week may have heard the term “Coercive Control”

Coercive Control falls under new legislation which makes it illegal for your partner to abuse you using softer tactics than physical abuse.

The new behaviours which are covered by the law are…

When your partner

  1. Shares indecent images of you
  2. Restricts or denies your access to money
  3. Stops you seeing family and friends
  4. Scares you
  5. Threatens to reveal private things about you
  6. Places tracking devices on your phone
  7. Puts you down
  8. Acts with extreme jealousy
  9. Forces you to obey their rules
  10. Controls what you wear
  11. Makes you do things you don’t want to do

On their own and even if we think of just a few of these things, we may dismiss them as nothing to worry about or we may make excuses for our partner saying that they have issues which means they are a bit controlling but it’s fine we can handle it.

The thing to remember about this type of behaviour is that it is the same as bullying. All bullies need a victim and once they have found the victim, they steadily increase their control over them. The relationship falls into a pattern and before we know it, things have gone too far.

Figures show that 9 out of 10 women who were murdered last year were murdered by someone they knew. A shocking 85% of women were killed in their own homes.

Of course, domestic abuse does not only affect women in heterosexual relationships, it affects men and women in any type of relationship and can devastate lives.

In my job as a counsellor working with young adults, I often come across behaviours which fall into the above categories. I feel it is important to look at how people arrive in these relationships.

It’s easy and nice to have someone care so much about you that they want to do things for you, they may even defend sharing images of you on social media by saying you are beautiful or hunky and they want everyone to see that. But this is not OK!

I am not an expert in this field so if you are reading this and you are in the least bit worried about yourself or someone you know, PLEASE visit the Domestic Abuse Hotline for help and information for victims or for friends and families of victims.

PARENTS – Don’t think this only happens to adults!!!! Please talk to your young adults and help them to understand the definitions of abuse as early as possible so that they can recognise these behaviours sooner. Check out this powerful video…

https://www.nda.services/control

Also, if you are putting up with an abusive relationship because of your children, you are putting yourself and them in danger.

There is help out there, it only needs to be a click away

If you like what you see here, please hit the “follow” button, leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

Where have all the Spice Girls Gone?

Divorce – what to tell the kids

 

 

Gee – A real life story – Part 2

Following the success of the first part of Gee’s Story, I feel honoured to share her next chapter with you. It’s almost impossible to sum up in a relatively short blog post, the trials and triumphs of Gee and many others like her but i’ll give it a try.

Please also look out for another inspiring story coming soon – Chantelle’s Story

Year 11

Year 11 for Gee started out in much the same vain as she had ended Year 10. She was sulky and complained about her awful summer break. She was glad to be back at school.

There were still problems for Gee in school and she was dodging lessons and shouting at teachers who were trying to get her back into them. Patience for Gee was wearing thin and, with GCSE’s looming, I knew that her chances of exclusion were high.

I decided to work through a timeline with Gee. This is a method I use often with young people as it can help them in many ways to make sense of events in their lives and can also help with less talkative students. For more information see my article on timelines.

Gee’s timeline revealed that she had lived in Basingstoke and Devon for her early years and moved to the Midlands around the age of 8. Her early childhood had, it seemed, been largely uneventful.

The last two years, however, had been too traumatically eventful. The extend of which I would not discover for another two years. As it was, what she revealed explained a lot.

At age 13, Gee’s parents had started to have a lot of problems and they had to move to a new house. At the same time, Gee was visiting her Nan in a care home regularly and her granddad collapsed and was ill in hospital.

Just before Gee’s 14th birthday, she was told that her Dad was, in fact, not her Dad and that she had a different Dad to her two younger brothers with whom she was living.

From her 14th birthday onward, things seemed to spiral. Gee’s Nan died and Gee wrote and read a poem at her funeral, a big step for any 14 year old.

Her Mother and Step-father split which resulted in a court case for custody of her two younger brothers.

Finally, the icing on the cake, Gee was being bullied at her previous school and moved to this school; her last chance.

In the space of 10 minutes working through the timeline, it was easy to see why Gee was a mess.

There had to be something inside of her, something that had grown within her in those early happy years that was inside waiting to fight back and break through the blackness that now resided in her mind.

I felt Gee’s sense of hopelessness as she told me that she had discovered that her biological father had been abusive towards her Mother, due to his own awful childhood. “That’s my Dad…am I like him?” she asked.

Her Mother had told her during an argument in a crazy moment of anger that she was indeed just like him.

I had a vision of a desperate child, helpless and suffocating as giant shovels of dirt were falling over her head. With each shovel, she was disappearing, and I knew it wouldn’t take many more to lose her altogether.

Then something happened…

Gee told me that her Mother had left the area and had told her and her brothers that she didn’t want any contact for a while. Surprisingly, rather than the final shovel for Gee, this was to prove to be the hand that she needed at the time to pull her up.

As sad as it was for Gee to have lost contact with her Mother, it took away a lot of the emotional angst that she felt, and she had to help her Step-father who was struggling to work and provide for them all. I felt this gave her some focus when she needed it.

Within a couple of weeks, I saw what I always knew was inside of Gee. She was a strong, kind girl; committed to making things right for her family, whatever form that took. A light had been ignited inside of her and she shocked everyone with her determination.

Gee announced that she was going to pass her GCSE’s! A naturally clever girl, she had missed so much work that this was a tall order. She had been predicted D’s in most subjects. Gee also announced that she wanted to stay on in 6th Form as school was the only place she felt safe and happy.

We looked on, helpless spectators, willing her through it. Teachers stepped up and gave her extra help, even those she had told to “Fuck off” seemed to have been placed under her spell.

The time came for Gee’s GCSE’s, she got through every single one. She continued to see me until the school broke up in July. Then came the anxious wait…

If you like what you see, please follow me here on wordpress or twitter or Facebook

Here are some more articles you might like…

Time for time

Gee – A Real life story

What label are you wearing today?

It’s Always the Quiet ones…

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