Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here
In these trying times, we are overwhelmed with stories of hope and triumph against all the odds which I love.
We are also painfully aware that this is not the case for everyone and many people are struggling with real issues!
I’m trying to bring some helpful counselling hints and tips into your space in as many ways as possible.
Check out my Bitesized Help and also my YouTube Channel where I’m trying to address as many of the problems that we may be facing as I can.
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Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here
Both include up to 90 minutes of tuition and guided exercises from yours truly!
But that’s not all! you can download and keep the courses FOREVER!! and both have comprehensive notes for you to keep.
So, whether your intentions are personal or whether you’d like to amp up your professional development, look no further!
For more information or for Block purchases please contact me
Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here
Now that we are beginning to talk about finding a way back to normal after isolation, many of us will be looking forward to getting out and about, being able to see family and friends etc. and returning to school or work.
Stop and think for a moment though…there may be some people who have welcomed the time apart from a significant other or are dreading the thought of seeing them again.
Spare a thought for victims of Coercive and Controlling behaviour…
Unfortunately and perhaps shockingly in current times where we see young adults able to express themselves safely like never before, I see cases of Coercive and Controlling Behaviour within relationships all the time.
Also unfortunate and shocking is the fact that few young people, females in particular; even know what it is.
I see young people who’s partners are
circulating indecent images of them
shaming them on Social Media
controlling access to their friends and family
controlling their dress and image
To help young People understand what Coercive and Controlling Behaviour (a form of domestic violence) is, I’ve put together a case study below which is sadly a common story…
Emily is going out with Karl. They have been together 3 weeks. Emily’s best friend, Jaz doesn’t much like Karl. she thinks he is too controlling and has seen a change in Emily since she has been with him.
Emily tells Jaz that Karl loves her and only wants the best for her. Karl actually thinks that Jaz is controlling also. Emily and Jaz fall out.
Two weeks later, Karl shares indecent images of Emily on Social Media. When she confronts him, he says it’s because he is so proud of how beautiful she is and wants his friends to be jealous. He adds that she should never question him.
Karl has told Emily that she is not to wear makeup except when she is with him and he also controls what she can wear if she goes out without him. She rarely spends time away from him except for family functions.
People have started to notice that Emily spends a lot of time with Karl.
Emily tells herself that Karl treats her badly sometimes but overall he loves her. She has distanced herself from her friends and has no one to really talk to.
She doesn’t see anything wrong in Karl’s behaviour as he doesn’t hit her or hurt her.
THIS IS NOT OK! IT IS A FORM OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!
My frustration is that many young adults, particularly girls, fall victim to this type of behaviour partly because they don’t understand that it is wrong.
The feelings we have, when we experience our first love are intense and we can find ourselves trapped in a bad relationship, hoping to feel those feelings again. Unfortunately, this rarely happens and those lovely feelings are often replaced by negative feelings and fear.
If you or someone you know may be affected, please seek help from someone you trust or contact a specialist organisation for more help…don’t suffer in silence, we all have a choice and a right to be happy!
Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here
Managing conflict when we are all locked in the same house or even the same room can be, to say the least, challenging.
Check out my Top Tips for how to avoid committing murder…ahem I mean getting along with your loved ones!
We can refer to a business model here which has long been applied to leadership management. Since it utilises the human conflict management styles though, we can easily apply it and use some styles to help manage others.
Negative Styles
1. Competing with each other
Maybe for the first time, we are faced with personalities who are naturally competitive and find themselves without a conflict to fight.
Look for continuous and pointless arguments that don’t seem to achieve anything between two or more members of the household. you will more than likely have identified your competitors!
2. Avoiding conflict
I am guilty of this. I hate conflict especially within my family group and will avoid it at all costs. I’m that person who all of a sudden desperately needs the loo or has an important call to make when disagreements arise in my house.
Much like avoiding, this occurs when we accept and “give in” to the wants and needs of others for an easy life. It can leave the person doing the accommodating feeling rather resentful because they have not had their own needs met.
Positive Styles
We can use the more positive styles to try and bring our households together…
4. Collaboration
This is where everyone works together to try and come to an agreement. It uses the ideas of everyone and then everyone decides the best way forward. This can help everyone to feel that their needs and ideas have been heard
5. Comprimise
This is where everyone accepts that they have to give up a little bit of what they want to gain something. Again, if everyone is agreed on the compromises, they all feel like they are getting something out of it
The way forward…
Look at the ways in which your household is settling conflict at the moment and think about how you can incorporate some of the more effective ways of solving conflict…
encourage competitive types to use their skills to come up with the best solution and present it to the group
make sure that avoiding types and compromisers are happy with the decision by asking their opinion and allowing them time to put their ideas forward
try presenting the conflict issue as if it were a problem to be solved at work or at school and give everyone a fair chance to try and solve the problem
try fun ways to solve problems like taking it in turns to make decisions for 24 hours each and all others must follow them
If all else fails… remember a murder charge is for life, not just for Lockdown!
Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here
In my day job, I work with teenagers in schools as a counsellor. Recently, we have seen a change in the way everyone is interacting with their World!
School was cancelled, then exams were cancelled, life seems to have been temporarily cancelled!
So, what has happened?
One of the schools I work with was kind enough to keep my services for its students which of course meant we had to work in a different way. Facetime, video calling, and telephone catchups took the place of face to face working.
It all seemed a little strange at first, we awkwardly greeted each other and talked mostly about our strange circumstances.
But then something wonderful began to happen! It was a learning experience that I could not have anticipated. These teenagers adapted in the most amazing ways! Those of them who were more introverted, began to realise that they felt better for being away from the stressful atmosphere at school. Those who were more extraverted found ways to engage with friends and family and set up remote book clubs, quiz nights etc.
With the agreement of some of my young adults, I can share with you some of what they have been up to and how it feels to be in this strange World…
Bea Crawford is waiting to start college in September to study beauty and has started her own Instagram Page. She has also been to see her horses and check on them as they have been left out to graze to avoid social contact at the stables where they are kept. Here are some of her latest pics
What a talented young lady!! Bea is really making her time work out!
Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here
With the recent rise in cases of Domestic disturbance, it highlights to us all that not everyone is having a fun time staying in.
Several terms are being used to talk about the behaviour that falls under the wider umbrella of “Bullying”.
It is worth saying at this point that if you feel threatened in any way please get help.
FACT 1 – The majority of bullies have very low self-worth
FACT 2 -The bully needs you more than you need them!
FACT 3 – YOU as the victim have the power
Bullies project their behaviour onto others to get a reaction and to help them feel better about themselves. This is not in any way a strategy to feel better about yourself and so the bully never feels any better.
A lot of bullies are repeating behaviour they have been exposed to in a strange way, they want you to feel as bad as them. this creates a need in them…YOU
Before your bully came into your life you were probably getting along quite happily and you will get along quite happily once they have left your life. So, you need to recognise your power and make a decision to stay in this stagnant relationship, or leave.
If you choose to put some Victim Va Va Voom in your life and leave your bully in the dust, here are my Top 5 Tips…
This doesn’t mean you have to try and be friends. What I’m talking about here is playing them at their own game. Your bully has been studying you to see where your weaknesses are. These may be to do with your appearance, life choices etc. You need to focus on them. I don’t mean become a stalker, just simple observations…trust me.
Ask yourself if they seem happy, do they seem anxious, does anyone else like them, who stands up to them?
The simple act of switching your attention onto studying them will cause some micro changes in your body language which will be noticed.
2. Try a different reaction
Remember, your bully will be used to seeing you avoid them, perhaps getting upset etc. so let’s shake things up a bit.
Depending on how brave you are feeling, you can try one of these two reactions…
Walk away from your bully but in your head, channel your favourite celebrity or a person you admire who would never stand for this abuse. Count to 100 before stopping or looking back. AND SMILE!
or
Don’t walk away, agree with everything they say whilst yawning and looking at your watch or phone. Ask them to let you know when they are done. They will probably get really angry at this point and direct more abuse at you so make sure you prepare for this and try and stay calm.
3. Look at yourself
Once you have dispatched your bully and have returned to your great life, you need to be really honest with yourself and look at some reasons why you may have become, and more importantly, stayed a victim. Once you can identify what happened, you will then be far more effective at ensuring you are never a victim again.
Just remember that bullies are only humans too, they have floors and they can be defeated but you hold the key to this.
If you would like to know more about the psychology behind this intricate and common relationship, click here and leave your email address to be the first to know when my interactive online course to beat bullies comes out soon.
Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here
As I hear the differing views of our World experience play out, I’m reminded of a very ancient Native American story that I recite often. it basically goes like so…
A young boy told his grandfather that he had repeatedly been visited by two Wolves in his dreams.
One Wolf was kind and gentle and gave him good advice, the other was scary and tried to take things from him and called him bad names.
“I want the kind Wolf to stay but the bad Wolf keeps coming too. How do I know which Wolf will stay and which Wolf will go?” asked the little boy.
His Grandfather pulled him onto his knee and said…
“The Wolf that stays is one you feed”
Which Wolf do you feed? The kind and loving one who is trying to help you grow, or the negative and cruel Wolf who only wants to make you feel unhappy?
Starve your cruel Wolf and let him go and feed your kind Wolf so he can stay as your companion.
Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here
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So now we know the facts about anxiety, what it is and how it works, we are armed with information.
We have also learned some quick fixes to deal with anxiety reactions when they occur. The next thing we did was to look at how we can better prepare ourselves so that anxiety doesn’t affect us as often or as severely.
So, at this point, we’re all set to understand and manage the symptoms. But what about the cause? Why do we feel anxious?
The good news is that the fight, flight or freeze reaction has been developed over years of evolution to help us survive. The way we feel when we are having an anxiety reaction, as awful as it is, is actually a survival instinct.
I’m going to talk you through some steps which will help you to identify and make friends with your anxiety reaction so that you can harness it’s power to super charge your own super human powers!
I want to take you back to when we thought about where we felt our anxiety reaction for a moment. For the next couple of minutes, if you feel comfortable, I’d like you to relax and make sure you are safely seated or even lying down.
Now, I want you to think about a time when you felt anxious. Your natural instinct may be to shy away from this memory but stay with it and feel whatever you are feeling in this moment.
Try and identify where this feeling is in your body.
Do you feel it in your body or is it more like a presence outside of your body?
Try and identify it as if you had been asked to draw it. It could be a feeling, a colour, a shape, a person, an animal
As it comes to life in your mind’s eye, look at it and acknowledge it.
Whatever you see or feel, remember this is your friend. It is there to help and protect you. The more you try and ignore it and push it away, the more it tries to gain your attention.
Make a decision to work together. Thank it for it’s help so far in keeping you safe.
Try and solidify the feeling, presence or colour whatever you have in your mind’s eye.
This part is important because you can recognise your friend when it is there in the future.
Now, think about how you can call on your friend when you need to and also how you can tell it when it can take a rest. Will there be a word? A colour? Decide with your new friend how you can work together.
Now you have made friends, I want you to really think about how you are feeling. Does it feel different? If not, that’s ok, just acknowledge what is going on for you.
Ok, now it is time to say goodbye to your friend for now, you will see them or feel them again but they can leave for now.
As you wave them off in your mind’s eye, start to gently wiggle your toes and your fingers.
Turn the corners of your mouth upwards into a smile and gently open your eyes.
You’re amazing oh, and you have a new friend too!
Ok, so now you have really completed the circle. With practice, you will find that your new knowledge will continue to solidify, and you will begin to see that what was once a negative feeling can now become your best superpower!
Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here
If you like what you see, please hit the “follow” button, or for non WordPress peeps, insert your email address over on the right for article alerts.
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In this latest article in my personality series, we are going to inspect the second letter of your Four Letter personality type! If you still want to take the test you can do that here.
So the second letter will either be an “N” or an “S” and these letters are all about what we do with the information we get from the World.
N for iNtuitive
Intuitive types like to think about the past and the future to process information about what to do next. They prefer to ponder the “What ifs” of life. Intuitives tend to be Big Picture thinkers and will explore many differing theories before connecting the dots and coming to a conclusion.
Don’t make the mistake of thinking that this means they are wishy washy in their thinking or find it difficult to make decisions. This is far from the truth.
It’s just that they think “around” things and integrate more factors into their thinking processes than Sensing types.
On the down side, Intuitives can struggle with more complex issues as they will often come to a conclusion very quickly and can appear to be out of touch or just generally confusing to others!
Where a situation requires drastic change, however, your Intuitive is your number one creative outside the box thinker!
S for Sensing
Conversely to the Intuitive type, the Sensor often has no regard for the past or present as they are clearly focused on the here and now. Sensors are able to think about the past and the future but only in regard to how it affects them in the “now”.
Sensors are practical and sensible people, keeping the focus on the job in hand. This makes them excellent “doers”
Sensors can also be creative and imaginative when applying these traits to a job in hand.
Sensors need to watch their tendency to be overly practical in everything as they may miss an opportunity to create a smarter solution by avoiding over thinking.
If you want a job doing and doing well call on your sensor!
In conclusion, we are all fabulous! Intuitives and Sensors working together are a force to be reckoned with!
Hopefully, if you have identified either of these two letters as your second letter, you will now be making some sense of your personality type!
Subscribe to my website to get articles as they are published! Next in the series “F” and “T”
Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here
If you like what you see, please hit the “follow” button, or for non WordPress peeps, insert your email address over on the right for article alerts.
Please leave me a comment below or contact me directly.
