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Do you really like me? Come on Sugar, let me know!

Do you like my posts?

Do you think they give good advice and information?

Are you…

  1. Dealing with mental health issues?
  2. Working with someone who has mental health issues?
  3. Working in a caring or supportive role?
  4. Managing a team?

Then this is for you.

Please join my community to help more people get access to mental health support! Click the pic for more!!!

Join the crusade today!!!!

https://www.patreon.com/sarahterry

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

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If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…“Be Gone Covid-19” – Anxiety Busting Tips

Abuse -the soft signs

You don’t own me… learn to spot the signs of Coercive and Controlling Behaviour

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Introverts…Currently Saving the World!

Check out this beautiful article written by one of my clients about her experience of realising she was an Introvert…

Int vs ext

Originally, I believed introverts were people who disliked socialising and were quiet or shy. Sarah explained to me that this definition was wrong, and together we worked out that I was actually an introvert.

As a person, I am often loud and outspoken around those I’m familiar with, as long as I do not feel vulnerable (such as discussing a topic I am not confident in understanding or one that I am sensitive about). I am always making plans in my head about ideas for days out, and I love being with my family and friends. This is what made me believe I was an extrovert.

My main understanding is that I have what I believe most people call a ‘social battery’. This means I can socialise just as an extrovert would, but up until a certain point.

For example, when I’m on a holiday, at some point I have to separate myself from my family, like staying in my room or sitting on a balcony. I don’t do this because I’m mad at them or fed up but purely because I just need some alone time.

It’s difficult to explain the feeling you get and I don’t know the reason why it happens, but I think it’s something a lot of people experience and is tricky to deal with if you don’t understand what’s happening. It can also be hard to explain my behaviour to people around me, like my Mum who doesn’t really understand why I’m not out with my friends every weekend, because she doesn’t experience that feeling.

I definitely have a very close circle of true friends, which I know is a characteristic of an introvert. Despite this, I also like to be on friendly terms with lots of people that I can spend small amounts of time with, like having a quick conversation within a corridor, getting lunch with or spending lessons with. However, I would never get personal with people I wasn’t extremely close with. At school during my breaks I would often avoid places like the common room because it would be too much, and usually went there when it was in my free periods and there were less people.

I often fake confidence when I meet new people. I do this because I want to seem like an approachable person, when I’d usually rather not be speaking to people I don’t find interesting or have a relationship with. I worked as a cafe assistant for a time and didn’t mind small talk with customers, but I would always try to work in the kitchen with people I knew well instead of out front where I’d have to interact with lots of customers.

Something I have noticed since gaining a better understanding of myself, is that there are certain people who I find it hard to get socially exhausted around. For example, my few very closest friends and my Mum, are people who I find it hard to need to take a break from. I may need to take a break from the social event we are at, but I find I can relax with them rather than on my own.

Understanding I am an introvert helps me to keep in control of my behaviour. I can now understand that certain things are too much for me, and it makes me feel better knowing that it’s not that I’m too lazy for a night out, it’s that this week I really don’t feel like being around strangers and I’d rather we stayed in. (And often my friends are on the same wavelength).

Quarantine has not really been affecting me like I see it affecting some people. I don’t feel a need to go out and don’t think I will do long as I can entertain myself. Although, I do miss my friends and family, and would say I am looking forward to it being over.

-Anon, Lichfield, Staffs, UK

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

If you like what you see, please hit the “follow” button, or for non-WordPress peeps, click here to leave your email address for updates

Check out my clothing for Gorgeous People here

Please leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

 

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Which Wolf do you Feed?

Wolf

As I hear the differing views of our World experience play out, I’m reminded of a very ancient Native American story that I recite often. it basically goes like so…

A young boy told his grandfather that he had repeatedly been visited by two Wolves in his dreams.

One Wolf was kind and gentle and gave him good advice, the other was scary and tried to take things from him and called him bad names.

“I want the kind Wolf to stay but the bad Wolf keeps coming too. How do I know which Wolf will stay and which Wolf will go?” asked the little boy.

His Grandfather pulled him onto his knee and said…

“The Wolf that stays is one you feed”

Which Wolf do you feed? The kind and loving one who is trying to help you grow, or the negative and cruel Wolf who only wants to make you feel unhappy?

Starve your cruel Wolf and let him go and feed your kind Wolf so he can stay as your companion.

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

If you like what you see, please hit the “follow” button, or for non WordPress peeps, insert your email address over on the right for article alerts.

Please leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

Anxiety – Why do I feel it?

Anxiety – Preparation is Power! Top Tips

Anxiety – Top Tips for Instant relief

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

Anxiety – Preparation is Power! Top Tips

In the second of my series about handling anxiety (to get the first article check here). I’m going to show you how to prepare for when anxiety strikes.

If you have seen my first article Anxiety – Top Tips for Instant Relief  you will now know exactly what anxiety is and how it works in the body!

anxiety levels

Armed with that knowledge, we can look at how we can reduce the effects of anxiety when we know it is more likely to strike.

Preparation and Knowledge are the antidote to anxiety. By learning more about anxiety, which you have already done, you will be better equipped to make preparations and pre-empt situations which may make you feel anxious.

How do we do this? We need to examine when we are likely to feel anxious. Ask yourself these questions…

  • In which setting does the anxiety take place?
  • What do I feel in my body?
  • Is there any evidence to support my anxiety?
  • How can I minimise my exposure or mentally or physically prepare myself?
  • MOST IMPORTANT! – Report back – how did it go?

Now, let’s run through using an example with answers…

  • In which setting does the anxiety take place?

When I am in a supermarket

  • What do I feel in my body?

My stomach feels fluttery and my breath is short

  • Is there any evidence to support my anxiety?

There are often large crowds and loud noises which make me nervous and anxious

  • How can I minimise my exposure or mentally or physically prepare myself?

I could look at shopping online. I could try and shop at a quieter time. I could go shopping with my friend or partner. I could think ahead and make sure I breathe beforehand and during the shop. I could treat myself at the end if I make it

  • MOST IMPORTANT! – Report back – how did it go?

REPORT – I checked online for the quieter times and made a list so that I could be faster once inside. I practised breathing before I went in the shop and a couple of times whilst I was inside. I checked in with myself 4 or 5 times. At the end of the shop, I bought myself a chocolate bar and congratulated myself.

Try this method and add your own details. The best thing about it is you can re-use it for different instances of anxiety!

Subscribe to my website to see more tips as they are released!

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

If you like what you see, please hit the “follow” button, or for non WordPress peeps, insert your email address over on the right for article alerts.

Please leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

Anxiety – Top Tips for Instant relief

Anxiety

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

Book cover

 

When you know what you know…

When I first decided I wanted to write, I had a fantasy that I would write a book, get an Agent and a Publisher and enjoy a life of writing forever…

 

pexels-photo-3204087
Photo by Harrison Haines on Pexels.com

OK OK you can stop laughing now!

The reality is that writing a book is bloody hard work and publishing and promoting it is even harder!

I’ve long since given up on this idea but I’ve discovered something far more valuable in the process.

The small gains are so gratifying and exciting, I wonder whether I’d even really like the lazy author life. I’ve discovered that self publishing is not only fun, but I retain control!

Control of the book, control of the book cover, control of the pricing and control of the promotion.

After reading Firefly Magic by Lauren Sapala, I realised that I can do this and that the way my brain works, although it is different from many others, (read weird, kooky, crazy…you choose) is ok, and most of all EFFECTIVE.

After all, if Lauren can do it so can I!

So, here’s an excerpt from my book which will be free on Amazon this weekend! If you like the sound it, head on over and download a copy – don’t forget to leave a review if you can!

“Mia was a little girl with a big personality. Standing no more than shoulder height to my 4’11” she was tiny even for year 7.

Her father being mixed afro Caribbean and her mother white, Mia was mixed race. She sat before me, her milky brown skin and dark brown eyes set within an elfin face almost hidden by a shock of hair falling in ringlets to her waist. The ringlets were partially tamed by a small clip placed on top of her head. Mia sat on her hands, legs swinging as they didn’t reach the floor; and she rocked back and forth.

Mia had rather a pronounced tic in her right eye which I found distracting but in a strange way, also made her endearing. Mia rocked back and forth looking at me, her hands still firmly under her legs. She began to grimace in the way a small child would when they are getting angry. Her bottom jaw jutted out and her open lips revealed gritted teeth. Her eyes were now fixed and wide open, staring just past me. Was she about to have some sort of seizure? I felt myself becoming concerned, but I held my position as I felt there was more to come.

Sure enough, after a few seconds, Mia let out a loud, low “Grrrrrrr” and her head began to shake. Mia had now firmly fixed her pretty brown eyes on me and, as I looked, I saw it. Slowly, very slowly and starting at her eyes, Mia began to smile, an almost manic, mischievous smile. What was she trying to tell me? What did she need me to know or do? I held my position still further and the growl began to morph into a low-pitched demonic laugh. Her legs were now swinging in opposing directions and she threw her ringlets back and stared up at the ceiling, looking back at me periodically, I suspect, to check I was still watching her. This went on for about 2 or 3 minutes. The tiny demon in front of me was pulling out all the stops. I sensed she wanted me to intervene or try and stop her, but I didn’t, partly because I wanted to observe the behaviour but partly because I was fascinated by it. The more the performance went on, the more I began to like this girl.

When she stopped, Mia looked at me quizzically. Her head was cocked to the side like a puppy. The facial tic returned, the rocking subsided and the hands remained, as they had been all along, under her legs.

“I hate this school, I hate my Dad, and I hate everyone except my Mom! I want my Mom!”

Mia’s demeanour changed, her spine curved backwards into a C shape and her face was screwed up like a toddler who had been refused a new toy. She was frowning. I really had been subjected to a full show here.

Finally, I spoke. “Wow” I said. It sounds like you have lots of feelings about lots of things. You say you hate your Dad, and everyone and the school and you want your Mom?”

“I just want my Mom! I hate my Dad!””

 

Thank you for reading and please get your copy of the book here or by clicking the cover image

Book cover

 

A FREE Gift from me to you

stone artwork
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

In the spirit of Valentine’s weekend and to share the LOVE…

I’m excited to reveal that my book will be free on Amazon this weekend!!

All orders on Saturday 15th and Sunday 16th February will be FREE!

It talks about some of the amazing young adults I have worked with and graphically takes the reader on their amazing journeys.

What are you waiting for – get on over an order your free copy on Saturday. Click here or on the book cover to order

 

Book cover

And PLEASE leave a review… for those of you who are fellow writers, you know how important reviews are

Thank you and if you are interested in what I’m doing, you can follow me on Twitter too!

Recent posts…

Get down off the Hook!

An Introvert’s Hell

Let them Try – Can Young Adults Change the World?

Get down off the Hook!

My article today is about sticking with things and seeing them through to the end, even if it seems like a never ending slog!

I’m speaking today about my career as a counsellor of young adults but also about following my lifelong dream of becoming a writer.

Book cover

When I decided that I wanted to become a Counsellor, I very naively thought I could attend a course for a year and go off and do the job. For some people this works (or at least they think it does) but for anyone who is devoted to the World of counselling others, we know that it takes time, patience and lots of self-introspection. I would also add that, I am still learning every day after 12 years.

My first book“Inside the Teenage Mind” was borne from my constant surprise and awe when listening to young adults tell their stories.

“You should write a book!”

“People would pay to read that!”

Eventually, I plucked up the courage and did it!

I tried for a while to make the traditional publishing route but received “no” after “no”. In the end, I decided to have a go at self publishing via Amazon.

But here’s the thing. My biggest dread was around marketing both myself and the book. I was sure that people would think me stupid and annoying plugging my book all the time.

I had tried just about everything with little success until I came across a great lady called Lauren Sapala. Lauren, like me is an INFJ and she seems to talk to my inner mind!

When she gives advice in her great books and on her website, I feel like I’m listening to myself when I talk to my clients!

The first thing I do is let them off the hook. So what if that failed? So what if they don’t like you? I find that letting people off the hooks they make for themselves give them space to breathe and think! With amazing consequences.

And do you know what? I’m actually starting to enjoy becoming an author-preneur!

Let’s hope it works for me too! Why not check out my book on Amazon and let me know what you think!

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. To find out more about Sarah, please see below.

If you like what you see here, please hit the “follow” button, leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

An Introvert’s Hell

Is Life in the Way?

Gee – A Real life story

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

A Flower by any other colour…

I shouldn’t really have been surprised then that there was outrage and anger amongst my students around the rainbow poppy. here are some of the comments.

Common Parenting Mistakes – The Interfering Parent

Before you read on, please know that all parents are amazing and all parents (with the very odd exception) do the job to the best of their abilities. At least that is what I have to tell myself every now and again!

Our parenting style will be a unique blend of our personality type, our upbringing and social factors; along with the personality of our little darlings. what could ever go wrong??

I have inserted a parenting mantra for you to repeat as often as you need to, it helps to say it in the mirror, or better still, video yourself saying it and play when needed!

Mantra of the Good Parent

“I am a good parent

I love {insert name of offspring} and {insert name of offspring} loves me

I want the best for {insert name of offspring} and I am capable of giving my very best

I respect myself

I respect {insert name of child offspring}

I accept our relationship is always changing

And this can be for the better

I am a good parent”

Now, you have prepared yourself to read on, parenting mistakes are almost always examples of parents overdoing a skill. In my field of work, there are no true mistakes, we talk about using a skill a little too much…

Today, we discuss the Interfering Parent

The Interfering Parent

“Leave me alone” is an all too often comment splurted or spat at us by our lovely offspring.

The interfering parent wants to know exactly what their child is doing every hour of the day. Who are they friends with? Who have they fallen out with? What are their teachers saying? These parents have to be involved with everything their child is doing.

selective focus photography of woman using smartphone beside bookshelf
Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

The scariest comment I hear from young adults is “Me and Mom (or Dad) are literally the same person” Queue vomit gesture!

Is this you? What are you creating / suppressing in your child? Please be honest here…ok I’ll help you out

  • you are disabling the growth of autonomy (the sense of self)
  • you are creating a co-dependant relationship which will end badly – FOR YOU!
  • you could be encouraging your child to lie to you
  • you are disabling them from the best way of learning – making mistakes!
  • you are disabling their growth of resilience
  • you are using your own personal time badly when you could be having fun!

There are just a few to be going along with

Now, if you need to, repeat the Good Parent Mantra! Ok, deep breaths here.

As I mentioned earlier. If you are inclined to this style of parenting, it helps for you to realise which of the abundance of skills that you have, you are over-using. And here is the good news…

The Skill of Caring

Yes! you’re overdoing possibly the most precious parenting skill of all. You’ve fallen into a funk and it’s time to get out for the sake of both of you.

How?

First of all, take some time to think about what you get from interfering…from now on we’re going to say over-caring.

You may want to think about your own childhood. Were things similar? Maybe if they were, think about how you felt and how you would have preferred things to be. How did you find you were helped/hindered by this?

Were things totally different? Were your parents distant or absent?

You need to understand that you are “getting” something from over-caring. It is satisfying something within you which means that your over-use of skills is starting to have the negative effect of becoming all about you and not your child. This is the opposite of what you want.

So now it’s time to really dig deep and ask yourself what you get from “over-caring”?

Does it make you feel Safe? Loved? Wanted? Needed?

Obviously, this answer will be different for everyone so once you have identified what you get from over-caring, you can look at other areas of your life where you might get some level of satisfaction.

So, I challenge you to a social experiment! Try backing off from your precious offspring in one or two areas for a week.

Keep a journal and note down what you did differently and how things changed if at all.

The way in which your child re-acts could help you to realise what they are needing more of and, more importantly, what you can give less of. It may also make you face up to what you need more of and how you can give that to yourself.

If you like what you see here, please hit the “follow” button, leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

Happy Holidays???

Control -how to be in control of not being in control!

You’ve been Framed

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