Is your cup half empty or half full? Time to re-evaluate!

Are you finding it hard to view your cup as anything but half empty at the moment?

There seems to be a real feeling of despair as we approach Christmas, a typically fun and social time of the year. Families are deciding who makes the Christmas day “cut”. Farmers are putting Turkeys on diets to keep them small enough for 6 and retailers and the leisure industries are bracing themselves for more lean times.

At times like these, it’s worth remembering just how well off we really are in much of the World.

We have food in our bellies.

We can still get out and about, even if it doesn’t seem as fun.

We have technology so that we can communicate with loved ones.

So let’s spare a thought for those of us who’s daily struggle is not the fact that they forgot their facemask when they went shopping, or they can only stay out until 10pm in the UK.

Let’s spare a thought for those for whom Covid-19 rules and regulations would be welcome instead of their daily battle for food and safety and freedom.

Start by giving thanks for yourself and try this quick exercise…

Write down 3 things that you are thankful for

Read it and breathe a sigh of relief for exactly where you are right now…cup half full!

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, walking and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

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“Be Gone Covid-19” – Anxiety Busting Tips

Anxiety – Why do I feel it?

Anxiety – Top Tips for Instant relief

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Learn to love Pandemic Life!

As we enter a new age, a new beginning, a new normal; we can’t help but reflect and assess how, not only our lives but our World has changed!

When I did my counselling training many years ago, there were very strict rules around how counselling should be administered, where it should take place etc.

Until even the last few months, in my work in a school as a counsellor, the rules were made for a pre-pandemic World.

Human contact became a bad thing. Separation became the new way of showing love.

Face coverings, until now had been seen as a bad thing and had been discouraged. Now they are compulsory.

In a year which so far has seen a global campaign asking us to #bekind in tandem with a cry to end racist hate crimes, how do we know where we stand?

Our young adults will grow up with a range of words and phrases we only learned in adulthood…

R-number, Covid, Social Distancing, Self-isolating, Lockdown, Zoom, Support Bubbles, Covidiot…and many more

I have adapted my counselling to an online service, which to my surprise has worked really well. We adapt, we move on.

As I prepare for a return to school at the end of the summer, I will be sharing the apprehensions of my co-workers and my students. We are all in this together and together, we will find a way to get through it. In fact, we already are!

I will be endorsing the message to my Young Adults that Covid-19 will be written in the history books along with The Ancient Pyramids, The Plague, World Wars 1 and 2, The Great Fire of London, the list goes on.

And so that makes us all special!

We are all part of the time when a virus brought the Modern World to a halt!

Technology couldn’t help, weapons couldn’t help.

The only thing that helped was being human.

It’s something we can never fully explain to anyone who has not been through it, and when we talk about Lockdown Hair styles and Zoom Quiz Fridays, we will all raise a smile because we will “know”

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, walking and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

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If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

Where is Your Boat Heading?

Your Brain will outlive Social Media!

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Do you really like me? Come on Sugar, let me know!

Do you like my posts?

Do you think they give good advice and information?

Are you…

  1. Dealing with mental health issues?
  2. Working with someone who has mental health issues?
  3. Working in a caring or supportive role?
  4. Managing a team?

Then this is for you.

Please join my community to help more people get access to mental health support! Click the pic for more!!!

Join the crusade today!!!!

https://www.patreon.com/sarahterry

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

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You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter,  Facebook or Instagram and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…“Be Gone Covid-19” – Anxiety Busting Tips

Abuse -the soft signs

You don’t own me… learn to spot the signs of Coercive and Controlling Behaviour

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

“Be Gone Covid-19” – Anxiety Busting Tips

Many of us are feeling anxious about what the future holds at the moment. I’ve made a quick video over on my YouTube Channel which gives some really easy to follow advice!

Also, check out my other videos which cover a wide range of mental health issues and offer free advice! Don’t forget to give it a like and hit that subscribe button!

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

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Check out my clothing for Gorgeous People here

Please leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

If the Mountain can’t come to Me…

In these trying times, we are overwhelmed with stories of hope and triumph against all the odds which I love.

We are also painfully aware that this is not the case for everyone and many people are struggling with real issues!

I’m trying to bring some helpful counselling hints and tips into your space in as many ways as possible.

Check out my Bitesized Help and also my YouTube Channel where I’m trying to address as many of the problems that we may be facing as I can.

Please support the Channel by Subscribing and sharing the links with anyone you feel would benefit.

Let’s share the love

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Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

If you like what you see, please hit the “follow” button, or for non-WordPress peeps, click here to leave your email address for updates

Check out my clothing for Gorgeous People here

Smile Tee

Please leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

How to Manage Conflict at home

Which Wolf do you Feed?

And…Breathe

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Online Courses Now Available!

Yes!!!!

For less than the cost of a quality therapy session, I’ve designed two bespoke online courses just for you gorgeous people!

Head over to the Page to have a closer look!

bully

There’s an Anxiety Course and a Bullying Course!!

Both include up to 90 minutes of tuition and guided exercises from yours truly!

But that’s not all! you can download and keep the courses FOREVER!! and both have comprehensive notes for you to keep.

So, whether your intentions are personal or whether you’d like to amp up your professional development, look no further!

For  more information or for Block purchases please contact me

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

If you like what you see, please hit the “follow” button, or for non-WordPress peeps, click here to leave your email address for updates

Check out my clothing for Gorgeous People here

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Please leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

 

 

 

 

You don’t own me… learn to spot the signs of Coercive and Controlling Behaviour

Now that we are beginning to talk about finding a way back to normal after isolation, many of us will be looking forward to getting out and about, being able to see family and friends etc. and returning to school or work.

Stop and think for a moment though…there may be some people who have welcomed the time apart from a significant other or are dreading the thought of seeing them again.

Spare a thought for victims of Coercive and Controlling behaviour…

pexels-photo-984953
Photo by Vera Arsic on Pexels.com

In 2012, the UK Government added guidelines to their Domestic Violence definitions to include…

“Victims of “honour” violence or killings, e.g. Female Genital Mutilation, forced marriage etc. although this is not confined to a particular gender or ethnic group

Coercive Behaviour – an act or pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation, intimidation or other abuse used to harm, punish or frighten the Victim.

Controlling Behaviour – a range of acts designed to make a person subordinate and/or dependent by isolating them from support, exploiting them for capital gain, depriving them of means needed for independence, resistance or escape and regulating their every day behaviour”

Unfortunately and perhaps shockingly in current times where we see young adults able to express themselves safely like never before, I see cases of Coercive and Controlling Behaviour within relationships all the time.

Also unfortunate and shocking is the fact that few young people, females in particular; even know what it is.

I see young people who’s partners are

  • circulating indecent images of them
  • shaming them on Social Media
  • controlling access to their friends and family
  • controlling their dress and image

To help young People understand what Coercive and Controlling Behaviour (a form of domestic violence) is, I’ve put together a case study below which is sadly a common story…

Emily is going out with Karl. They have been together 3 weeks. Emily’s best friend, Jaz doesn’t much like Karl. she thinks he is too controlling and has seen a change in Emily since she has been with him.

Emily tells Jaz that Karl loves her and only wants the best for her. Karl actually thinks that Jaz is controlling also. Emily and Jaz fall out.

Two weeks later, Karl shares indecent images of Emily on Social Media. When she confronts him, he says it’s because he is so proud of how beautiful she is and wants his friends to be jealous. He adds that she should never question him.

Karl has told Emily that she is not to wear makeup except when she is with him and he also controls what she can wear if she goes out without him. She rarely spends time away from him except for family functions.

People have started to notice that Emily spends a lot of time with Karl.

Emily tells herself that Karl treats her badly sometimes but overall he loves her. She has distanced herself from her friends and has no one to really talk to.

She doesn’t see anything wrong in Karl’s behaviour as he doesn’t hit her or hurt her.

THIS IS NOT OK! IT IS A FORM OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!

My frustration is that many young adults, particularly girls, fall victim to this type of behaviour partly because they don’t understand that it is wrong.

The feelings we have, when we experience our first love are intense and we can find ourselves trapped in a bad relationship, hoping to feel those feelings again. Unfortunately, this rarely happens and those lovely feelings are often replaced by negative feelings and fear.

If you or someone you know may be affected, please seek help from someone you trust or contact a specialist organisation for more help…don’t suffer in silence, we all have a choice and a right to be happy!

https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help?gclid=CjwKCAjw4871BRAjEiwAbxXi2yNTCi6ZX77jS8u5tntqNNtOv2WgH9vFf1ygiu_FWT4-zRC_qqZ0JRoC2joQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

https://www.everydayhealth.com/columns/voices-of-experience/how-you-can-help-someone-controlling-relationship/

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

If you like what you see, please hit the “follow” button, or for non-WordPress peeps, click here to leave your email address for updates

Check out my clothing for Gorgeous People here

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Please leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

How to Manage Conflict at home

How to Beat the Bully for Good!

Which Wolf do you Feed?

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

 

 

 

Introverts…Currently Saving the World!

Check out this beautiful article written by one of my clients about her experience of realising she was an Introvert…

Int vs ext

Originally, I believed introverts were people who disliked socialising and were quiet or shy. Sarah explained to me that this definition was wrong, and together we worked out that I was actually an introvert.

As a person, I am often loud and outspoken around those I’m familiar with, as long as I do not feel vulnerable (such as discussing a topic I am not confident in understanding or one that I am sensitive about). I am always making plans in my head about ideas for days out, and I love being with my family and friends. This is what made me believe I was an extrovert.

My main understanding is that I have what I believe most people call a ‘social battery’. This means I can socialise just as an extrovert would, but up until a certain point.

For example, when I’m on a holiday, at some point I have to separate myself from my family, like staying in my room or sitting on a balcony. I don’t do this because I’m mad at them or fed up but purely because I just need some alone time.

It’s difficult to explain the feeling you get and I don’t know the reason why it happens, but I think it’s something a lot of people experience and is tricky to deal with if you don’t understand what’s happening. It can also be hard to explain my behaviour to people around me, like my Mum who doesn’t really understand why I’m not out with my friends every weekend, because she doesn’t experience that feeling.

I definitely have a very close circle of true friends, which I know is a characteristic of an introvert. Despite this, I also like to be on friendly terms with lots of people that I can spend small amounts of time with, like having a quick conversation within a corridor, getting lunch with or spending lessons with. However, I would never get personal with people I wasn’t extremely close with. At school during my breaks I would often avoid places like the common room because it would be too much, and usually went there when it was in my free periods and there were less people.

I often fake confidence when I meet new people. I do this because I want to seem like an approachable person, when I’d usually rather not be speaking to people I don’t find interesting or have a relationship with. I worked as a cafe assistant for a time and didn’t mind small talk with customers, but I would always try to work in the kitchen with people I knew well instead of out front where I’d have to interact with lots of customers.

Something I have noticed since gaining a better understanding of myself, is that there are certain people who I find it hard to get socially exhausted around. For example, my few very closest friends and my Mum, are people who I find it hard to need to take a break from. I may need to take a break from the social event we are at, but I find I can relax with them rather than on my own.

Understanding I am an introvert helps me to keep in control of my behaviour. I can now understand that certain things are too much for me, and it makes me feel better knowing that it’s not that I’m too lazy for a night out, it’s that this week I really don’t feel like being around strangers and I’d rather we stayed in. (And often my friends are on the same wavelength).

Quarantine has not really been affecting me like I see it affecting some people. I don’t feel a need to go out and don’t think I will do long as I can entertain myself. Although, I do miss my friends and family, and would say I am looking forward to it being over.

-Anon, Lichfield, Staffs, UK

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

If you like what you see, please hit the “follow” button, or for non-WordPress peeps, click here to leave your email address for updates

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Please leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

 

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How to Manage Conflict at home

Managing conflict when we are all locked in the same house or even the same room can be, to say the least, challenging.

Check out my Top Tips for how to avoid committing murder…ahem I mean getting along with your loved ones!

We can refer to a business model here which has long been applied to leadership management. Since it utilises the human conflict management styles though, we can easily apply it and use some styles to help manage others.

Negative Styles

1. Competing with each other

Maybe for the first time, we are faced with personalities who are naturally competitive and find themselves without a conflict to fight.

So they make one!

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Photo by Vera Arsic on Pexels.com

Look for continuous and pointless arguments that don’t seem to achieve anything between two or more members of the household. you will more than likely have identified your competitors!

2. Avoiding conflict

I am guilty of this. I hate conflict especially within my family group and will avoid it at all costs. I’m that person who all of a sudden desperately needs the loo or has an important call to make when disagreements arise in my house.

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Photo by Min An on Pexels.com

3. Accomodating

Much like avoiding, this occurs when we accept and “give in” to the wants and needs of others for an easy life. It can leave the person doing the accommodating feeling rather resentful because they have not had their own needs met.

Positive Styles

We can use the more positive styles to try and bring our households together…

4. Collaboration

This is where everyone works together to try and come to an agreement. It uses the ideas of everyone and then everyone decides the best way forward. This can help everyone to feel that their needs and ideas have been heard

5. Comprimise

This is where everyone accepts that they have to give up a little bit of what they want to gain something. Again, if everyone is agreed on the compromises, they all feel like they are getting something out of it

The way forward…

Look at the ways in which your household is settling conflict at the moment and think about how you can incorporate some of the more effective ways of solving conflict…

  • encourage competitive types to use their skills to come up with the best solution and present it to the group
  • make sure that avoiding types and compromisers are happy with the decision by asking their opinion and allowing them time to put their ideas forward
  • try presenting the conflict issue as if it were a problem to be solved at work or at school and give everyone a fair chance to try and solve the problem
  • try fun ways to solve problems like taking it in turns to make decisions for 24 hours each and all others must follow them

If all else fails… remember a murder charge is for life, not just for Lockdown!

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

If you like what you see, please hit the “follow” button, or for non WordPress peeps, click here to leave your email address for updates

Check out my clothing for Gorgeous People here

Please leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

Loving Lockdown?

Which Wolf do you Feed?

Life will resume after this quick message…

Happy Holidays???

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Loving Lockdown?

In my day job, I work with teenagers in schools as a counsellor. Recently, we have seen a change in the way everyone is interacting with their World!

Bea 3

School was cancelled, then exams were cancelled, life seems to have been temporarily cancelled!

So, what has happened?

One of the schools I work with was kind enough to keep my services for its students which of course meant we had to work in a different way. Facetime, video calling, and telephone catchups took the place of face to face working.

It all seemed a little strange at first, we awkwardly greeted each other and talked mostly about our strange circumstances.

But then something wonderful began to happen! It was a learning experience that I could not have anticipated. These teenagers adapted in the most amazing ways! Those of them who were more introverted, began to realise that they felt better for being away from the stressful atmosphere at school. Those who were more extraverted found ways to engage with friends and family and set up remote book clubs, quiz nights etc.

With the agreement of some of my young adults, I can share with you some of what they have been up to and how it feels to be in this strange World…

Bea Crawford is waiting to start college in September to study beauty and has started her own Instagram Page. She has also been to see her horses and check on them as they have been left out to graze to avoid social contact at the stables where they are kept. Here are some of her latest pics

 

What a talented young lady!! Bea is really making her time work out!

You can follow Bea on Instagram here

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

If you like what you see, please hit the “follow” button, or for non WordPress peeps, click here to leave your email address for updates

Please leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

How to Beat the Bully for Good!

Which Wolf do you Feed?

Can I get an “Amen” up in here?

Check out my clothing for Gorgeous People here

Tote

 

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