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Victim Va Va Voom Part 1

Lesson
Materials
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Victim Va-Va-Voom!

Now, let’s learn how to Viva that Victim!

First of all, let’s remind ourselves what we learned so far…

  • We know what bullying is
  • We know more about the Bully / Victim relationship
  • We know that all of us have a victim and bullying inside

Now, I’m going to let you into a secret!!

If you are the victim of a bully, you are NEEDED by them!

And here’s an even more important secret!!

If you are the victim of a bully, you DON’T NEED them!

Think back to when we talked about Evie and Katie and how Evie needed Katie, but Katie only needed Evie in order to remain a victim?

YOU are going to make that decision not to be a victim anymore!

To do this, we have to take some time to look at how you are likely to be behaving and reacting currently…

  • Avoiding situations
  • Using defensive body language
  • Not interacting with others
  • Upset a lot of time

It’s really hard because this is the way you are feeling, and it can be really difficult to behave in the opposite way to our feelings. Stick with me here…

So, what does the bully NEED from you? A REACTION

What does this do for them? IT HELPS THEM TO FEEL A SENSE OF POWER AND CONTROL

Why do they need to feel this? BECAUSE DEEP DOWN THEY FEEL POWERLESS AND HAVE LITTLE OR NO SELF WORTH

You need to know that the bully sees things in you that they want to steal away, and I’m not just talking about possessions, it’s like they become obsessed with wanting to take over YOU

Once we begin to fully understand the mindset of the bully, we can begin to understand them and even feel sorry for them!

At this point, I need to say…

There are some people who are not mentally well, and this can sometimes affect their behaviour. If you ever feel physically threatened, please talk to someone you trust or search online for “help with bullying” to find organisations near you that can help.

Exercise

Spend some time thinking about your bully or bullies. Ask yourself some questions

  1. Do they seem truly happy to you?
  2. Do they seem relaxed?
  3. Apart from their immediate group, does anyone like them?
  4. Do you notice if they bully anyone else? (think carefully, it’s hard to see if you feel you are the only one)
  5. Have you observed anyone stand up to them?

A gift you are likely to possess is that you have the ability to think about these things in detail and, as you do, you GET TO KNOW YOUR BULLY. Ask yourself…

Why do they bully?

“The vast majority of bullies are unhappy and feel powerless in most areas of life.”

Try and build a picture of what their life is like. Do you know anything about them? Are they happy at home?

The more you get to know your bully, the more the scales will begin to tip in your favour! And guess what?