Get to know your own Bully / Victim
As humans, we all have very intricate personalities and as well as our perfectly unique personalities, we are also affected by a couple of other factors…
This is a term we use to describe things that go on around us. It can be different depending on where we are. For example, you may find that you behave differently at work or school than you do at home. This can be because we feel more relaxed at work or school.
Our environment can also mean certain situations we may find ourselves in. For example, think about sitting down to a test or sitting in a meeting room giving a presentation and compare that to sitting around a table with friends.
Think about the people in your life. Are you different around your friends than in front of your parents, teacher or boss?
We can also have people within our social, family and work groups who we find we connect with more. Think about the friend who always makes you laugh. The teacher or boss who you always listen to – or the teacher or boss you never listen to. Which teacher or boss will get the best or the worst version of you?
Now it’s time to spice things up a bit, using our people and our environment and the different versions of ourselves…
You’ll need a pen and paper for this!
Now, let’s think for a moment about a time when we feel at our best. Think about the best or favourite version of yourself! Now write down
Next, let’s think about a time when we felt scared or vulnerable, it can be recently or in the past. Again, write down
Now I want you to think about a time when a particular person made you feel scared, vulnerable, or less than good enough. It may be the same answer as above and that’s ok, or it may be different. Write down
Finally, think about a time when you have upset another person. Did you fall out with a friend? Did you get angry and shout at them? Finally, write down
Ok, now let’s switch things up a bit!!
Look at the third scenario where I asked you to think about a time when someone else made you feel scared or vulnerable
Look at the first scenario where you identified the best version of you and imagine that the person who was named there is standing right next to you!
What has changed, how do you feel?
Let’s try another one
Look at the second scenario when you felt scared and vulnerable. Change the environment to the one where you felt angry
What changed here? How would you have dealt with the situation differently?
What have we learned here? We have learned that we are not always the same, we feel and behave differently depending on the environment we are in and who we are with. The great news is that you can start to realise that you are not always a victim, it’s just a part of who you are at certain times
We can all be a victim, we can all be a bully and we can all be everything in between!