Articles from Sarah

How an Extrovert helped an Introvert…

Yes, sometimes we can benefit from some help confronting a part of us that doesn’t work so well, and when we do, that’s when the magic happens!

 

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Photo by Elly Fairytale on Pexels.com

Recently, I had a conversation with my Daughter-in-Law-in-Waiting about my motivation and how it was sometimes my worst enemy when trying to bring projects to life.

I am an INFJwhich is a fairly obscure personality type as anyone who knows me will agree! She is an ESTJ. There is far more to it than she is an extrovert and I am an introvert. The four letters make a difference and the order in which they come make another difference again!

To keep things simple, we all have four functions which make up our “function stack” (the four letters). For the purposes of this article, I am looking at my weakest function and my Daughter-in-Law-in-Waiting’s strongest function.

My weakest function is something called “Extroverted Sensing”. When this is working well and when someone has it higher up their “stack”, it gives them the ability to simplify problems and take action, be playful but also realistic and; perhaps most importantly, stay present in a situation!

As this is my weakest function, I can pretty much say that I tend to act out the opposite of these positive functions. This gives me a problem when I am trying to bring to life the amazing ideas and possibilities that I conjure up in my Introverted Intuitive brain!

My Daughter-in-Law-in-Waiting’s strongest function is her Extroverted Thinking which suits her job as a project manager expertly well! She excels in bringing order to chaos and leading others to do so.

She told me that, at work, she has 3 project boards. The first is the “Ideas” board where thoughts, ideas and problems to be solved are added.

The second is the “Live Project” board, where ideas are accepted as worthy projects and are in the planning stage.

The final board is the “Completion” board. This is where projects go to be finished, they have a timeline and a full project management system in place. Deadlines are set here!

My Daughter-in-Law-in-Waiting told me that she feels I get stuck in the first two project boards and I rarely move to the “Completion” phase of a project! This was a light bulb moment for me!

I was able to engage my Introverted Intuitive mind and create a beautiful project board of my own! It’s colour coordinated (yes, yes, ok, I spent more time creating the project board than I should…I AM an INFJ guys!) and I love to look at it.

I  noticed two key things though…

  1. There weren’t as many pressing things to get completed as I thought
  2. I actually find myself a little less distracted (I said “a little less” come on, baby steps!) as I work towards the satisfying strike through to mark an action off my list

Happy Action planning to you all!

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

If you like what you see, please hit the “follow” button, or for non-WordPress peeps, click here to leave your email address for updates

Check out my clothing for Gorgeous People here

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Please leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

Introverts…Currently Saving the World!

Personality – It’s no Joke

#INFJ etc.

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

 

 

 

You don’t own me… learn to spot the signs of Coercive and Controlling Behaviour

Now that we are beginning to talk about finding a way back to normal after isolation, many of us will be looking forward to getting out and about, being able to see family and friends etc. and returning to school or work.

Stop and think for a moment though…there may be some people who have welcomed the time apart from a significant other or are dreading the thought of seeing them again.

Spare a thought for victims of Coercive and Controlling behaviour…

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Photo by Vera Arsic on Pexels.com

In 2012, the UK Government added guidelines to their Domestic Violence definitions to include…

“Victims of “honour” violence or killings, e.g. Female Genital Mutilation, forced marriage etc. although this is not confined to a particular gender or ethnic group

Coercive Behaviour – an act or pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation, intimidation or other abuse used to harm, punish or frighten the Victim.

Controlling Behaviour – a range of acts designed to make a person subordinate and/or dependent by isolating them from support, exploiting them for capital gain, depriving them of means needed for independence, resistance or escape and regulating their every day behaviour”

Unfortunately and perhaps shockingly in current times where we see young adults able to express themselves safely like never before, I see cases of Coercive and Controlling Behaviour within relationships all the time.

Also unfortunate and shocking is the fact that few young people, females in particular; even know what it is.

I see young people who’s partners are

  • circulating indecent images of them
  • shaming them on Social Media
  • controlling access to their friends and family
  • controlling their dress and image

To help young People understand what Coercive and Controlling Behaviour (a form of domestic violence) is, I’ve put together a case study below which is sadly a common story…

Emily is going out with Karl. They have been together 3 weeks. Emily’s best friend, Jaz doesn’t much like Karl. she thinks he is too controlling and has seen a change in Emily since she has been with him.

Emily tells Jaz that Karl loves her and only wants the best for her. Karl actually thinks that Jaz is controlling also. Emily and Jaz fall out.

Two weeks later, Karl shares indecent images of Emily on Social Media. When she confronts him, he says it’s because he is so proud of how beautiful she is and wants his friends to be jealous. He adds that she should never question him.

Karl has told Emily that she is not to wear makeup except when she is with him and he also controls what she can wear if she goes out without him. She rarely spends time away from him except for family functions.

People have started to notice that Emily spends a lot of time with Karl.

Emily tells herself that Karl treats her badly sometimes but overall he loves her. She has distanced herself from her friends and has no one to really talk to.

She doesn’t see anything wrong in Karl’s behaviour as he doesn’t hit her or hurt her.

THIS IS NOT OK! IT IS A FORM OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!

My frustration is that many young adults, particularly girls, fall victim to this type of behaviour partly because they don’t understand that it is wrong.

The feelings we have, when we experience our first love are intense and we can find ourselves trapped in a bad relationship, hoping to feel those feelings again. Unfortunately, this rarely happens and those lovely feelings are often replaced by negative feelings and fear.

If you or someone you know may be affected, please seek help from someone you trust or contact a specialist organisation for more help…don’t suffer in silence, we all have a choice and a right to be happy!

https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help?gclid=CjwKCAjw4871BRAjEiwAbxXi2yNTCi6ZX77jS8u5tntqNNtOv2WgH9vFf1ygiu_FWT4-zRC_qqZ0JRoC2joQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

https://www.everydayhealth.com/columns/voices-of-experience/how-you-can-help-someone-controlling-relationship/

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

If you like what you see, please hit the “follow” button, or for non-WordPress peeps, click here to leave your email address for updates

Check out my clothing for Gorgeous People here

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Please leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

How to Manage Conflict at home

How to Beat the Bully for Good!

Which Wolf do you Feed?

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

 

 

 

Wear your Heart…anywhere you like!

I wanted to introduce you to my new range of T-Shirts…

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I want to create a range of positive messages that people can literally wear to spread the word of strength and compassion!

Here’s mine…

Sarah 1

And I even made one for my Extroverted Daughter-in-Law-in-Waiting which she tells me she is now sleeping in!!

Sarah and Chloe

Grab yours here  and there’s even FREE SHIPPING This weekend!!!!

Or, better still, message me with your design ideas!!!

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

If you like what you see, please hit the “follow” button, or for non-WordPress peeps, click here to leave your email address for updates

Check out my clothing for Gorgeous People here

Please leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

 

 

 

 

Gone With the Wind…ow!

Another Gorgeous young lady I work with has been really struggling with Anxiety. We were working together before lockdown and she truly inspired me with her ability to use her amazing creative talent to bring narrative to how she was feeling.

She had created beautiful pictures which immediately relayed how she was feeling when she made them.

It was like she had an ability to turn her feelings into colours and shapes; and she got great comfort from doing this.

Well, being in isolation hasn’t held her back at all! She’s gone all Scarlett O’Hara (“you’re welcome”) on us and created the most beautiful jacket from an old pair of curtains!!!!

Abis Jacket

Now, I don’t know about you, but Curtains never looked so good!!!!

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

If you like what you see, please hit the “follow” button, or for non-WordPress peeps, click here to leave your email address for updates

Check out my clothing for Gorgeous People here

Please leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

Introverts…Currently Saving the World!

Can I get an “Amen” up in here?

Loving Lockdown?

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

Introverts…Currently Saving the World!

Check out this beautiful article written by one of my clients about her experience of realising she was an Introvert…

Int vs ext

Originally, I believed introverts were people who disliked socialising and were quiet or shy. Sarah explained to me that this definition was wrong, and together we worked out that I was actually an introvert.

As a person, I am often loud and outspoken around those I’m familiar with, as long as I do not feel vulnerable (such as discussing a topic I am not confident in understanding or one that I am sensitive about). I am always making plans in my head about ideas for days out, and I love being with my family and friends. This is what made me believe I was an extrovert.

My main understanding is that I have what I believe most people call a ‘social battery’. This means I can socialise just as an extrovert would, but up until a certain point.

For example, when I’m on a holiday, at some point I have to separate myself from my family, like staying in my room or sitting on a balcony. I don’t do this because I’m mad at them or fed up but purely because I just need some alone time.

It’s difficult to explain the feeling you get and I don’t know the reason why it happens, but I think it’s something a lot of people experience and is tricky to deal with if you don’t understand what’s happening. It can also be hard to explain my behaviour to people around me, like my Mum who doesn’t really understand why I’m not out with my friends every weekend, because she doesn’t experience that feeling.

I definitely have a very close circle of true friends, which I know is a characteristic of an introvert. Despite this, I also like to be on friendly terms with lots of people that I can spend small amounts of time with, like having a quick conversation within a corridor, getting lunch with or spending lessons with. However, I would never get personal with people I wasn’t extremely close with. At school during my breaks I would often avoid places like the common room because it would be too much, and usually went there when it was in my free periods and there were less people.

I often fake confidence when I meet new people. I do this because I want to seem like an approachable person, when I’d usually rather not be speaking to people I don’t find interesting or have a relationship with. I worked as a cafe assistant for a time and didn’t mind small talk with customers, but I would always try to work in the kitchen with people I knew well instead of out front where I’d have to interact with lots of customers.

Something I have noticed since gaining a better understanding of myself, is that there are certain people who I find it hard to get socially exhausted around. For example, my few very closest friends and my Mum, are people who I find it hard to need to take a break from. I may need to take a break from the social event we are at, but I find I can relax with them rather than on my own.

Understanding I am an introvert helps me to keep in control of my behaviour. I can now understand that certain things are too much for me, and it makes me feel better knowing that it’s not that I’m too lazy for a night out, it’s that this week I really don’t feel like being around strangers and I’d rather we stayed in. (And often my friends are on the same wavelength).

Quarantine has not really been affecting me like I see it affecting some people. I don’t feel a need to go out and don’t think I will do long as I can entertain myself. Although, I do miss my friends and family, and would say I am looking forward to it being over.

-Anon, Lichfield, Staffs, UK

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

If you like what you see, please hit the “follow” button, or for non-WordPress peeps, click here to leave your email address for updates

Check out my clothing for Gorgeous People here

Please leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

 

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to Manage Conflict at home

Managing conflict when we are all locked in the same house or even the same room can be, to say the least, challenging.

Check out my Top Tips for how to avoid committing murder…ahem I mean getting along with your loved ones!

We can refer to a business model here which has long been applied to leadership management. Since it utilises the human conflict management styles though, we can easily apply it and use some styles to help manage others.

Negative Styles

1. Competing with each other

Maybe for the first time, we are faced with personalities who are naturally competitive and find themselves without a conflict to fight.

So they make one!

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Photo by Vera Arsic on Pexels.com

Look for continuous and pointless arguments that don’t seem to achieve anything between two or more members of the household. you will more than likely have identified your competitors!

2. Avoiding conflict

I am guilty of this. I hate conflict especially within my family group and will avoid it at all costs. I’m that person who all of a sudden desperately needs the loo or has an important call to make when disagreements arise in my house.

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Photo by Min An on Pexels.com

3. Accomodating

Much like avoiding, this occurs when we accept and “give in” to the wants and needs of others for an easy life. It can leave the person doing the accommodating feeling rather resentful because they have not had their own needs met.

Positive Styles

We can use the more positive styles to try and bring our households together…

4. Collaboration

This is where everyone works together to try and come to an agreement. It uses the ideas of everyone and then everyone decides the best way forward. This can help everyone to feel that their needs and ideas have been heard

5. Comprimise

This is where everyone accepts that they have to give up a little bit of what they want to gain something. Again, if everyone is agreed on the compromises, they all feel like they are getting something out of it

The way forward…

Look at the ways in which your household is settling conflict at the moment and think about how you can incorporate some of the more effective ways of solving conflict…

  • encourage competitive types to use their skills to come up with the best solution and present it to the group
  • make sure that avoiding types and compromisers are happy with the decision by asking their opinion and allowing them time to put their ideas forward
  • try presenting the conflict issue as if it were a problem to be solved at work or at school and give everyone a fair chance to try and solve the problem
  • try fun ways to solve problems like taking it in turns to make decisions for 24 hours each and all others must follow them

If all else fails… remember a murder charge is for life, not just for Lockdown!

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

If you like what you see, please hit the “follow” button, or for non WordPress peeps, click here to leave your email address for updates

Check out my clothing for Gorgeous People here

Please leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

Loving Lockdown?

Which Wolf do you Feed?

Life will resume after this quick message…

Happy Holidays???

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

 

 

 

 

 

Loving Lockdown?

In my day job, I work with teenagers in schools as a counsellor. Recently, we have seen a change in the way everyone is interacting with their World!

Bea 3

School was cancelled, then exams were cancelled, life seems to have been temporarily cancelled!

So, what has happened?

One of the schools I work with was kind enough to keep my services for its students which of course meant we had to work in a different way. Facetime, video calling, and telephone catchups took the place of face to face working.

It all seemed a little strange at first, we awkwardly greeted each other and talked mostly about our strange circumstances.

But then something wonderful began to happen! It was a learning experience that I could not have anticipated. These teenagers adapted in the most amazing ways! Those of them who were more introverted, began to realise that they felt better for being away from the stressful atmosphere at school. Those who were more extraverted found ways to engage with friends and family and set up remote book clubs, quiz nights etc.

With the agreement of some of my young adults, I can share with you some of what they have been up to and how it feels to be in this strange World…

Bea Crawford is waiting to start college in September to study beauty and has started her own Instagram Page. She has also been to see her horses and check on them as they have been left out to graze to avoid social contact at the stables where they are kept. Here are some of her latest pics

 

What a talented young lady!! Bea is really making her time work out!

You can follow Bea on Instagram here

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

If you like what you see, please hit the “follow” button, or for non WordPress peeps, click here to leave your email address for updates

Please leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

How to Beat the Bully for Good!

Which Wolf do you Feed?

Can I get an “Amen” up in here?

Check out my clothing for Gorgeous People here

Tote

 

How to Beat the Bully for Good!

Check out my 3 Bully Busting Facts and  3 Top Tips for beating the bully in your life…

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Photo by Odonata Wellnesscenter on Pexels.com

With the recent rise in cases of Domestic disturbance, it highlights to us all that not everyone is having a fun time staying in.

Several terms are being used to talk about the behaviour that falls under the wider umbrella of “Bullying”.

It is worth saying at this point that if you feel threatened in any way please get help.

FACT 1 – The majority of bullies have very low self-worth

FACT 2 -The bully needs you more than you need them!

FACT 3 – YOU as the victim have the power

Bullies project their behaviour onto others to get a reaction and to help them feel better about themselves. This is not in any way a strategy to feel better about yourself and so the bully never feels any better.

A lot of bullies are repeating behaviour they have been exposed to in a strange way, they want you to feel as bad as them. this creates a need in them…YOU

Before your bully came into your life you were probably getting along quite happily and you will get along quite happily once they have left your life. So, you need to recognise your power and make a decision to stay in this stagnant relationship, or leave.

If you choose to put some Victim Va Va Voom in your life and leave your bully in the dust, here are my Top 5 Tips…

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

1. Get to know your bully

This doesn’t mean you have to try and be friends. What I’m talking about here is playing them at their own game. Your bully has been studying you to see where your weaknesses are. These may be to do with your appearance, life choices etc. You need to focus on them. I don’t mean become a stalker, just simple observations…trust me.

Ask yourself if they seem happy, do they seem anxious, does anyone else like them, who stands up to them?

The simple act of switching your attention onto studying them will cause some micro changes in your body language which will be noticed.

2. Try a different reaction

Remember, your bully will be used to seeing you avoid them, perhaps getting upset etc. so let’s shake things up a bit.

Depending on how brave you are feeling, you can try one of these two reactions…

Walk away from your bully but in your head, channel your favourite celebrity or a person you admire who would never stand for this abuse. Count to 100 before stopping or looking back. AND SMILE!

or

Don’t walk away, agree with everything they say whilst yawning and looking at your watch or phone. Ask them to let you know when they are done. They will probably get really angry at this point and direct more abuse at you so make sure you prepare for this and try and stay calm.

3. Look at yourself

Once you have dispatched your bully and have returned to your great life, you need to be really honest with yourself and look at some reasons why you may have become, and more importantly, stayed a victim. Once you can identify what happened, you will then be far more effective at ensuring you are never a victim again.

Just remember that bullies are only humans too, they have floors and they can be defeated but you hold the key to this.

If you would like to know more about the psychology behind this intricate and common relationship, click here and leave your email address to be the first to know when my interactive online course to beat bullies comes out soon.

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

If you like what you see, please hit the “follow” button, or for non WordPress peeps, click here to leave your email address for updates

Please leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

Or check out my personalised clothing line here

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

Which Wolf do you Feed?

Anxiety – Why do I feel it?

Articles from Sarah

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

 

 

 

Which Wolf do you Feed?

Wolf

As I hear the differing views of our World experience play out, I’m reminded of a very ancient Native American story that I recite often. it basically goes like so…

A young boy told his grandfather that he had repeatedly been visited by two Wolves in his dreams.

One Wolf was kind and gentle and gave him good advice, the other was scary and tried to take things from him and called him bad names.

“I want the kind Wolf to stay but the bad Wolf keeps coming too. How do I know which Wolf will stay and which Wolf will go?” asked the little boy.

His Grandfather pulled him onto his knee and said…

“The Wolf that stays is one you feed”

Which Wolf do you feed? The kind and loving one who is trying to help you grow, or the negative and cruel Wolf who only wants to make you feel unhappy?

Starve your cruel Wolf and let him go and feed your kind Wolf so he can stay as your companion.

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

If you like what you see, please hit the “follow” button, or for non WordPress peeps, insert your email address over on the right for article alerts.

Please leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

Anxiety – Why do I feel it?

Anxiety – Preparation is Power! Top Tips

Anxiety – Top Tips for Instant relief

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

Can I get an “Amen” up in here?

The amazing Ru Paul tells us

“If you can’t love yourself, how in the Hell are you gonna love somebody else!”

I work with some amazing people and this sums up a common theme for them.

Early damage can take a lifetime to start to heal and the child who for one reason or another learns that they are not worthy, will let that child dictate until they are old and grey!

You are not good enough

No one will care

No one will listen

I’ve been working with an amazing young lady for many years now. she has turned her life around from being on the verge of exclusion at school to creating a glittering future for herself in the World.

She’s a talented photographer, blogger and all round hilarious person but there’s a problem…

She’s listening to her inner child!

Check out her blog here

And tell me whether she Shantay Stays

Because if I have my way, there’s no way she’s Sashaying Away

 

Georgia Hill Blog Page

Sarah Terry is a School Counsellor and Author who works in Central England. Her interests include Counselling and Psychology, Personality Types, Jogging and Yoga and Meditation. Find out more here

If you like what you see, please hit the “follow” button, or for non WordPress peeps, insert your email address over on the right for article alerts.

Please leave me a comment below or contact me directly.

You can also see what I’m up to on Twitter and Facebook and follow my books on Goodreads or Amazon

If you liked this article, here are some more you might be interested in…

Gee – A Real life story

Gee – A real life story – Part 2

Gee – A real life story – Part 3

Gee – a real life story – Part 4

Gee – a real life story – Part 5

Please take a second to check out my book on Amazon now! It’s free to Amazon prime members!

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