Abuse – what is it and how do we deal with it?
Anyone who has been watching the news this week may have heard the term “Coercive Control”
Coercive Control falls under new legislation which makes it illegal for your partner to abuse you using softer tactics than physical abuse.
The new behaviours which are covered by the law are…
When your partner
- Shares indecent images of you
- Restricts or denies your access to money
- Stops you seeing family and friends
- Scares you
- Threatens to reveal private things about you
- Places tracking devices on your phone
- Puts you down
- Acts with extreme jealousy
- Forces you to obey their rules
- Controls what you wear
- Makes you do things you don’t want to do
On their own and even if we think of just a few of these things, we may dismiss them as nothing to worry about or we may make excuses for our partner saying that they have issues which means they are a bit controlling but it’s fine we can handle it.
The thing to remember about this type of behaviour is that it is the same as bullying. All bullies need a victim and once they have found the victim, they steadily increase their control over them. The relationship falls into a pattern and before we know it, things have gone too far.
Figures show that 9 out of 10 women who were murdered last year were murdered by someone they knew. A shocking 85% of women were killed in their own homes.
Of course, domestic abuse does not only affect women in heterosexual relationships, it affects men and women in any type of relationship and can devastate lives.
In my job as a counsellor working with young adults, I often come across behaviours which fall into the above categories. I feel it is important to look at how people arrive in these relationships.
It’s easy and nice to have someone care so much about you that they want to do things for you, they may even defend sharing images of you on social media by saying you are beautiful or hunky and they want everyone to see that. But this is not OK!
I am not an expert in this field so if you are reading this and you are in the least bit worried about yourself or someone you know, PLEASE visit the Domestic Abuse Hotline for help and information for victims or for friends and families of victims.
PARENTS – Don’t think this only happens to adults!!!! Please talk to your young adults and help them to understand the definitions of abuse as early as possible so that they can recognise these behaviours sooner. Check out this powerful video…
Also, if you are putting up with an abusive relationship because of your children, you are putting yourself and them in danger.
There is help out there, it only needs to be a click away
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